Tag Archives: somatics

Fear

A simple meditation for being with your fears

Sometimes high up in the forest, I find a rock to perch upon. Sometimes, I read, other times I meditate but when I want to come back to reality and lose my fears of the future; I do this.

I find the highest rock. I find an area that seems comfortable to me, I stand tall and close my eyes. I stand there until I completely forget where I am, losing time and space. Gaining a fleeting feeling as if I am hovering above the earth.

rtable to me, I stand tall and close my eyes. I stand there until I completely forget where I am, losing time and space. Gaining a fleeting feeling as if I am hovering above the earth.

All I think about is this:

Do I trust myself deeply? Decisions, actions, future, past.

I trust myself deeply, decisions, actions, future, past all happened because I trust myself deeply.

I go through this until I mean exactly what I say.
Knowing that the universe provides always. Every time I close my eyes, I know I trust myself & the universe.

What am I going through:

Lately, I have been doing this often as my path to graduate school begins very soon. I look at where this beautiful life journey has brought me. In the beginning, I was upset I did not take this journey sooner, then I feared if it would be worth the money and as the time to descend to Boulder; I can’t help but think of how I will once again be leaving a home I just created for myself. I will be out of my element, standing out as me, the girl from California among a class of 40 other students from mostly the east coast. I have not been in a classroom since I graduated in 2012 from Fresno State. I will be asked to write & then I will be critiqued on my writing. I love to write but I fear, like so many times in the past, it just won’t be good enough. Will my conservative, liberal thoughts not be accepted by my peers? Do I realllllly want to do this? When I am feeling scared, alone or just not me, I can’t hop in the car to see the people who make me feel the best. The universe always provides, ALWAYS provides what it is & exactly what you need, the faith in me for that is deep. So while these fears are so apparent, my meditation has always gotten me to let go of these fears.

So I meditate like this

Knowing that the universe provides always. Every time I close my eyes, I know I trust myself & the universe.

Why yoga?

Why yoga?

Why yoga?

Why yoga?

This took me a while to contemplate because there are so many reasons why!

Because I don’t think I ever knew who I truly was. I started yoga as a way to clear my mind after I first started my 7:30 AM – 6:00 PM job (who willingly does that to themselves?) and had recently been diagnosed with Hashimoto’s. I read an article online that Bikram Yoga could rebalance my hormones, so I bought my first Groupon and was on my way. I did 20 out of the 30 days of class and saw my life radically transform, after staring at myself half naked in a hot room full of 40 other people, I started to see my body for what it is. I was able to concentrate more and my depressive habits began to subside. As I deepened my practice going from studio to studio throughout California I noticed that I no longer felt the need to drink heavily in social situations and could actually articulate my thoughts with confidence. I no longer found the need to get stoned or chain smoke when I was anxious I just met the mat.

When I finally did my 200-hour teacher training at Purusha, I learned about the Siddhis and how yoga can cleanse you of the siddhis. Yoga cleansed my life without me even knowing it. I HAD TO WHOLEHEARTEDLY BELIEVE THAT YOGA SAVED ME. Through yoga, I not only found my voice but discovered exactly who I am and what I am meant to be. That’s why yoga.

That’s why; yoga.

Yoga chose me, I did not choose yoga.

What is luck actually?

Working each day with people who are looking for jobs is an interesting experience, you meet every type of person and assist them in an otherwise stressful life event.

Some people manage the stress fine and others refer to you as their personal counselor; these are the candidates I love. This week a recent graduate who I have been assisting has been interviewing for some time now. He has yet to land a job, but holds a great technical skill set and personable. He was frustrated and said he just doesn’t have good luck.

It got me thinking, is it really luck? Or has he been making his job search a full-time job? Has be been working hard enough to attain his goal? What has he been doing extra to better himself? I am wondering because I simply have not used the word luck in so long. As if when he said the words, dust was being blown off of my heart. It brought me back to church Bingo with my Grandmother; my epic wins were straight luck.

I believe that we create our own luck through hard work and devotion. Day in and day out we do things, be it; necessary, extraordinary or nothing at all. If we continue to strive for things, making yourself better each day, then we will need no such thing as luck, for what we are striving for is easily attainable.

See, I meditate, a lot.

It took me a long time to get here. I struggle with a long family history of mental disorders and have overcome anxiety and depression. It took hard work to grow a quiet mind and inner peace, each day I work to achieve it. Some days silencing my mind is easier than others, but each day my mission is clear, be better for myself.

I set out my goals. to become a yoga teacher. So I create a devout practice, I work hard to make extra money to pay for my teacher training. I spend every other weekend at class for 200 hours. I apply myself, I study, I become a yoga teacher. Because I imagined it, I thought about it, I committed to it, I acted on it and I stayed true to my path.

I don’t see where there is luck in this.

“Luck is what you make it”- Luck is made, through your own practice and devotion.