Tag Archives: mothers

Fear

A simple meditation for being with your fears

Sometimes high up in the forest, I find a rock to perch upon. Sometimes, I read, other times I meditate but when I want to come back to reality and lose my fears of the future; I do this.

I find the highest rock. I find an area that seems comfortable to me, I stand tall and close my eyes. I stand there until I completely forget where I am, losing time and space. Gaining a fleeting feeling as if I am hovering above the earth.

rtable to me, I stand tall and close my eyes. I stand there until I completely forget where I am, losing time and space. Gaining a fleeting feeling as if I am hovering above the earth.

All I think about is this:

Do I trust myself deeply? Decisions, actions, future, past.

I trust myself deeply, decisions, actions, future, past all happened because I trust myself deeply.

I go through this until I mean exactly what I say.
Knowing that the universe provides always. Every time I close my eyes, I know I trust myself & the universe.

What am I going through:

Lately, I have been doing this often as my path to graduate school begins very soon. I look at where this beautiful life journey has brought me. In the beginning, I was upset I did not take this journey sooner, then I feared if it would be worth the money and as the time to descend to Boulder; I can’t help but think of how I will once again be leaving a home I just created for myself. I will be out of my element, standing out as me, the girl from California among a class of 40 other students from mostly the east coast. I have not been in a classroom since I graduated in 2012 from Fresno State. I will be asked to write & then I will be critiqued on my writing. I love to write but I fear, like so many times in the past, it just won’t be good enough. Will my conservative, liberal thoughts not be accepted by my peers? Do I realllllly want to do this? When I am feeling scared, alone or just not me, I can’t hop in the car to see the people who make me feel the best. The universe always provides, ALWAYS provides what it is & exactly what you need, the faith in me for that is deep. So while these fears are so apparent, my meditation has always gotten me to let go of these fears.

So I meditate like this

Knowing that the universe provides always. Every time I close my eyes, I know I trust myself & the universe.

Why yoga?

Why yoga?

Why yoga?

Why yoga?

This took me a while to contemplate because there are so many reasons why!

Because I don’t think I ever knew who I truly was. I started yoga as a way to clear my mind after I first started my 7:30 AM – 6:00 PM job (who willingly does that to themselves?) and had recently been diagnosed with Hashimoto’s. I read an article online that Bikram Yoga could rebalance my hormones, so I bought my first Groupon and was on my way. I did 20 out of the 30 days of class and saw my life radically transform, after staring at myself half naked in a hot room full of 40 other people, I started to see my body for what it is. I was able to concentrate more and my depressive habits began to subside. As I deepened my practice going from studio to studio throughout California I noticed that I no longer felt the need to drink heavily in social situations and could actually articulate my thoughts with confidence. I no longer found the need to get stoned or chain smoke when I was anxious I just met the mat.

When I finally did my 200-hour teacher training at Purusha, I learned about the Siddhis and how yoga can cleanse you of the siddhis. Yoga cleansed my life without me even knowing it. I HAD TO WHOLEHEARTEDLY BELIEVE THAT YOGA SAVED ME. Through yoga, I not only found my voice but discovered exactly who I am and what I am meant to be. That’s why yoga.

That’s why; yoga.

Yoga chose me, I did not choose yoga.

How far did the apple roll from the tree?

It rolled as far as it could

Then it got stuck in a rut

The apple turned to mush

The seeds were sewn into the ground

The sprouts grew roots

The roots grew strong

The baby tree sprung up

The tree grew strong; halfway between the sun and the giving seed tree

When it was cold it found warmth in the sun

When it was windy it leaned on the giving seed tree

From the warmth of the sun and the strength of the giving tree, the tree grew deep roots and strong limbs

Now the tree has grown so tall and so wise to the weather it can see the sun and the giving tree from above

When the weather gets rough the tree stands tall knowing exactly who it is & where it came from

The tree finds comfort deep within its roots through any weather, the same roots that were created by both the warmth of the sun and the gift of life of giving tree.

By Alexandria Zachariades

Bringing consciousness of good health in all the wrong ways

Since I finished the 30-day challenge a lot has changed in my life. Weird because it’s only been a week and a half since I last wrote!

I got a phone call last Thursday, my Mother was letting me know she was getting surgery for a tumor that had metastasized in her sacral area. It was the size of a grapefruit, and when I found out I had a feeling that everything would be okay. My heart silently dropped for her as I knew she would be missing out on an epic ski season. My earliest memories of Mom pushing me down the driveway on my plastic ski’s on whiteout days, or her dragging my sister and I down black diamonds. When I think of adventure sports and snow, it’s synonymous with my Mothers love.

When she came out of surgery the growth was malignant and Jo-Mama was fine only in a lot of pain. A week later I am with some friends doing yoga and when re-injured an old meniscus tear into what is believed to be a bootstrap tear. I drove myself 7 hours from LA to the East Bay, where my Dad took care of me and drove me back to San Fran (seriously, so thankful for my Dad, has always been my best friend, though he is rapidly aging – more on that later). A little while after I went to the Dr. who prescribed an MRI, on my way back home I decided to check on Mother. I could hear the waver in her voice, I asked her how she was, she said “Not good”. She humbly explained that her wounds hadn’t healed and that she had diverticulitis. I broke down (which isn’t usual, only when it’s my Mom or Dad). I couldn’t believe it, the women who has defied most Dr.’s odds & despite knee & other surgeries has never missed a ski season EVER.

We grappled on the phone together & just as she had said when I called her frantically with my knee injury she said, “that’s why we always need to be thankful for our health & never take it for granted”. I know I was abusing my health & over working myself, my Mother, I can’t say she was taking her health for granted but living to the words she was preaching to me.

So as I prepare for potential surgery in the next few weeks I reflect on how I can better live a life of active balance & so I shall!