Tag Archives: mindfuless

Fear

A simple meditation for being with your fears

Sometimes high up in the forest, I find a rock to perch upon. Sometimes, I read, other times I meditate but when I want to come back to reality and lose my fears of the future; I do this.

I find the highest rock. I find an area that seems comfortable to me, I stand tall and close my eyes. I stand there until I completely forget where I am, losing time and space. Gaining a fleeting feeling as if I am hovering above the earth.

rtable to me, I stand tall and close my eyes. I stand there until I completely forget where I am, losing time and space. Gaining a fleeting feeling as if I am hovering above the earth.

All I think about is this:

Do I trust myself deeply? Decisions, actions, future, past.

I trust myself deeply, decisions, actions, future, past all happened because I trust myself deeply.

I go through this until I mean exactly what I say.
Knowing that the universe provides always. Every time I close my eyes, I know I trust myself & the universe.

What am I going through:

Lately, I have been doing this often as my path to graduate school begins very soon. I look at where this beautiful life journey has brought me. In the beginning, I was upset I did not take this journey sooner, then I feared if it would be worth the money and as the time to descend to Boulder; I can’t help but think of how I will once again be leaving a home I just created for myself. I will be out of my element, standing out as me, the girl from California among a class of 40 other students from mostly the east coast. I have not been in a classroom since I graduated in 2012 from Fresno State. I will be asked to write & then I will be critiqued on my writing. I love to write but I fear, like so many times in the past, it just won’t be good enough. Will my conservative, liberal thoughts not be accepted by my peers? Do I realllllly want to do this? When I am feeling scared, alone or just not me, I can’t hop in the car to see the people who make me feel the best. The universe always provides, ALWAYS provides what it is & exactly what you need, the faith in me for that is deep. So while these fears are so apparent, my meditation has always gotten me to let go of these fears.

So I meditate like this

Knowing that the universe provides always. Every time I close my eyes, I know I trust myself & the universe.

Why yoga?

Why yoga?

Why yoga?

Why yoga?

This took me a while to contemplate because there are so many reasons why!

Because I don’t think I ever knew who I truly was. I started yoga as a way to clear my mind after I first started my 7:30 AM – 6:00 PM job (who willingly does that to themselves?) and had recently been diagnosed with Hashimoto’s. I read an article online that Bikram Yoga could rebalance my hormones, so I bought my first Groupon and was on my way. I did 20 out of the 30 days of class and saw my life radically transform, after staring at myself half naked in a hot room full of 40 other people, I started to see my body for what it is. I was able to concentrate more and my depressive habits began to subside. As I deepened my practice going from studio to studio throughout California I noticed that I no longer felt the need to drink heavily in social situations and could actually articulate my thoughts with confidence. I no longer found the need to get stoned or chain smoke when I was anxious I just met the mat.

When I finally did my 200-hour teacher training at Purusha, I learned about the Siddhis and how yoga can cleanse you of the siddhis. Yoga cleansed my life without me even knowing it. I HAD TO WHOLEHEARTEDLY BELIEVE THAT YOGA SAVED ME. Through yoga, I not only found my voice but discovered exactly who I am and what I am meant to be. That’s why yoga.

That’s why; yoga.

Yoga chose me, I did not choose yoga.

THE NUNS OF ALOKA VIHARA MONASTIC DAYLONG “IT’S CLOSER THAN YOU THINK”

I recently found this place in San Francisco called the Mindfulness Care Center. There are a number of different classes and seminars that offer guidance for meditation and mindfulness. Each week they even offer weekly guided meditation, I think this is a powerful place for a growing community.

The Sisters of Aloka were dressed in orangeish monk type garments. They sat on meditation cushions and wore a serene smile while adorning a pleasant presence that was radiating. The sisters introduced themselves and we began to meditate for 35 minutes, they then spoke about Dhamma and the power of thought, the four virtues. We then presented the food & offered it to the Nuns. This was the first time I had been apart of something like this and it was not only insightful but a calming a nurturing experience. To be surrounded by other calm individuals, practicing peace in silence but coordinating together to present a meal. Once the Sisters served themselves and sat down, we then too ate our food in a silent meal. After eating, I took the time to reflect in my journal, I wrote this.

What a wonderful experience the “Day Retreat” is. The day began with a chant, then moved into meditation for what felt like five minutes but was really 35. I have read, studied and practiced meditation and mindfulness for some time now but what has been introduced to me today brings a different level of consciousness. After the bell had chimed to pull us out of our current though the sisters explained what Dhamma is and how to maximize mediation to reach it. Focusing on the positive, elminating the negative, going outside of self for best introspection. They explained that often time we dance around particular thoughts when we medidated and that these thoughts elicit feelings that can only bring discomfort or the time being, but if we explore the reason why we are avoiding these thoughts. We need to confront them to find comfort and are able to let go. I feel in tune with myself.”

This was the most rewarding seminar I have participated in, in a long time. I am feeling prepared for my surgery.