Tag Archives: millenials

Fear

A simple meditation for being with your fears

Sometimes high up in the forest, I find a rock to perch upon. Sometimes, I read, other times I meditate but when I want to come back to reality and lose my fears of the future; I do this.

I find the highest rock. I find an area that seems comfortable to me, I stand tall and close my eyes. I stand there until I completely forget where I am, losing time and space. Gaining a fleeting feeling as if I am hovering above the earth.

rtable to me, I stand tall and close my eyes. I stand there until I completely forget where I am, losing time and space. Gaining a fleeting feeling as if I am hovering above the earth.

All I think about is this:

Do I trust myself deeply? Decisions, actions, future, past.

I trust myself deeply, decisions, actions, future, past all happened because I trust myself deeply.

I go through this until I mean exactly what I say.
Knowing that the universe provides always. Every time I close my eyes, I know I trust myself & the universe.

What am I going through:

Lately, I have been doing this often as my path to graduate school begins very soon. I look at where this beautiful life journey has brought me. In the beginning, I was upset I did not take this journey sooner, then I feared if it would be worth the money and as the time to descend to Boulder; I can’t help but think of how I will once again be leaving a home I just created for myself. I will be out of my element, standing out as me, the girl from California among a class of 40 other students from mostly the east coast. I have not been in a classroom since I graduated in 2012 from Fresno State. I will be asked to write & then I will be critiqued on my writing. I love to write but I fear, like so many times in the past, it just won’t be good enough. Will my conservative, liberal thoughts not be accepted by my peers? Do I realllllly want to do this? When I am feeling scared, alone or just not me, I can’t hop in the car to see the people who make me feel the best. The universe always provides, ALWAYS provides what it is & exactly what you need, the faith in me for that is deep. So while these fears are so apparent, my meditation has always gotten me to let go of these fears.

So I meditate like this

Knowing that the universe provides always. Every time I close my eyes, I know I trust myself & the universe.

Why yoga?

Why yoga?

Why yoga?

Why yoga?

This took me a while to contemplate because there are so many reasons why!

Because I don’t think I ever knew who I truly was. I started yoga as a way to clear my mind after I first started my 7:30 AM – 6:00 PM job (who willingly does that to themselves?) and had recently been diagnosed with Hashimoto’s. I read an article online that Bikram Yoga could rebalance my hormones, so I bought my first Groupon and was on my way. I did 20 out of the 30 days of class and saw my life radically transform, after staring at myself half naked in a hot room full of 40 other people, I started to see my body for what it is. I was able to concentrate more and my depressive habits began to subside. As I deepened my practice going from studio to studio throughout California I noticed that I no longer felt the need to drink heavily in social situations and could actually articulate my thoughts with confidence. I no longer found the need to get stoned or chain smoke when I was anxious I just met the mat.

When I finally did my 200-hour teacher training at Purusha, I learned about the Siddhis and how yoga can cleanse you of the siddhis. Yoga cleansed my life without me even knowing it. I HAD TO WHOLEHEARTEDLY BELIEVE THAT YOGA SAVED ME. Through yoga, I not only found my voice but discovered exactly who I am and what I am meant to be. That’s why yoga.

That’s why; yoga.

Yoga chose me, I did not choose yoga.

The best day of my life

The best day of my life was the day I was adopted. Sometimes, I think deeply to myself and reflect on how extremely lucky I am. Of course, my thinking on this was not always this way and it took me much work to understand the magnitude of gratitude I could hold for this simple act.

Around the age of 13, I really started to wonder what it would be like if my parents did not adopt me. I just did not want to be at home, I thought my birth parents had a fairytale life, much better for me. Many 13-year-olds go through this stage, especially if there are other conflicts in the home, however for adopted children this can be magnified on a much larger scale. There are actually two real people out there with actual lives. Luckily for me, my parents had always allowed me to have contact with them which helped me to understand this home is my home. I knew my birth mother was not able to keep me because she was in school, but it angered me that she had a child a year and a half after. It was a hard pill to swallow and I questioned if it was because I was brown.

I then went to college and completely understood that what she is probably the hardest thing college student could do. I even spoke to my birthmother about this when I was in college. I asked her what I should do. She told she had six abortions before having me. My life may haven’t been, I am grateful. I then put myself in her shoes, a 23-year-old, living on their own, studying and constantly surrounded by partying. She carried me for 9 months with her head held high. She was not married, she was not dating the father of the child and she was going to school. I couldn’t imagine myself doing this, life is precious.

I couldn’t imagine myself doing what she did, life is precious. She deeply knew that and honored the world by bringing me into life.

I healed experiencing college and being able to put myself in her shoes.

I heal every day I look around me surrounded by the beauty of life.

I heal when I look at my life and see all the accomplishments, places, and opportunities that have been presented to me.

I heal knowing that I have defied many odds.

We as humans are not perfect, but we have the ability to heal.

Its all perspective​.

No Bohns About It

Nervousness.

It has been a belief of mine that nerves are disguised as excitement. Before competing, before interviews, before anything I am anticipating: EXCITEMENT. This is what I tell myself,  I never think of failure. It has never been an option. See there is no failing, only an opportunity to learn. But lately, this isn’t true. I am scared shitless, I am nervous.

See, I have spent the past 9 months living in San Francisco, close to my family & surrounded by people I truly have made deep connections with. Finally, I am surrounding myself with wonderful people who foster beauty in every aspect of my life. There are so many wonderful people that want to be friends with me!

So everything I have been building, my strong wholesome root. My career, my family, my friends; will all change if I am to go to graduate school at Naropa. This scares me, my root chakra feels as if it will break. I take each moment I have here with great gratitude, hoping to make the most out of each moment.

I am nervous, my interview for Naropa is next Saturday. I really can’t remember my essay, what transformation is or what mindfulness really truly means. For the first time, I am going to be questioned about my knowledge of Mindful thinking in a professional environment. I will be tasked with talking to other peers about my knowledge of Mindfulness. I have never done this before. I am nervous because I don’t know what will happen.

As I write this, I sit here and thinking  I shoudl be excited. I am excited, excited for a new endeavor. A chance to learn, a chance to grow, a chance to pursue a dream.

If I continue to live my life with love and embody my intention, when I leave to pursue my true intention, I will feel no qualms. It will be fine, becuase I will be where I need to be.

 

 

How far did the apple roll from the tree?

It rolled as far as it could

Then it got stuck in a rut

The apple turned to mush

The seeds were sewn into the ground

The sprouts grew roots

The roots grew strong

The baby tree sprung up

The tree grew strong; halfway between the sun and the giving seed tree

When it was cold it found warmth in the sun

When it was windy it leaned on the giving seed tree

From the warmth of the sun and the strength of the giving tree, the tree grew deep roots and strong limbs

Now the tree has grown so tall and so wise to the weather it can see the sun and the giving tree from above

When the weather gets rough the tree stands tall knowing exactly who it is & where it came from

The tree finds comfort deep within its roots through any weather, the same roots that were created by both the warmth of the sun and the gift of life of giving tree.

By Alexandria Zachariades

Not everyone can see the big picture, embrace it.

My first night out not drinking was interesting to say the least. A night that reminded exactly why I am on this awesome journey of sobriety.

Beginning with my friend attempting to peer pressuring me to drink. How many ways can you say no? In a moment of weakness, I doubted myself, and quickly thought, “what the fuck? smile, be present and people will still love you, drink or no drink.”

So the night proceeded and I was having fun, dancing, no one questioned my sobriety. My friends who I was there with are happy for me. They know the blacked out me is not who I want to be. They see that I am happy and funny, drunk or not drunk. I am thankful for them.

A number of gentlemen proceeded to hit on me, one in particular, was speaking with me. He asked me a number of questions and if he could buy me a drink. I explained to him that I was not drinking. He asked again why I was. I explained to him “how beautiful of a thing it was to see your life change in positive ways. To become a person who is completely functioning in any environment, with or with out alcohol. That my anxiety, depression and time lapses, no longer appear. What an awesome thing right? “

He said, “yes, can I at least, BUY you some water? I feel bad like I should buy you something.”

Now this statement here really got my wheels turning. Like, why do you need to buy me something to have a conversation. How many GIRLS do I speak with who tell me they just have guys buy them drinks and that’s how they save money when they go out. How small minded of this new era dating scene. A man asking to buy something or he cannot continue a conversation. A girl – NOT A WOMEN- so broke they prostitute their minds for drinks. Even when I was drinking, I got drunk on my own tab.

So I am here open to finding love. With a guy who is attractive, holds an MBA from Columbia and wants to buy me a drink. Everything in me says RUN. So I do. Why? Because it’s obvious, he can’t see the big picture.

He probably went to these tops schools because of the frameworks his parents built, also the same people who taught them that money can buy love. I feel like an outsider looking in, but I know there is someone out there with similar beliefs. The world is round, it is big and there is much more to life than what is just in front of you.

The big picture guy to me is someone who can hold a conversation about anything and everything. Can admit they don’t know something. Has faults, doesn’t need to buy me shit and ideally cares about me just enough so I don’t get entirely freaked the fuck out. If this guy is out there, I’ll be over here meditating.

This thought went in an odd circle 🙂

2016 – The year of the Mokey

Every year I attempt to set my goals, I usually scribble it down in my journal and put it away until the following year. It is a gift to myself that I give each year after Christmas has ended. I take the time to reflect on where I was last year, what I envisioned my life to be, what I accomplished and what I aspire for the next year.

As a “millennial” I have been told that my generation is the generation to constantly change, pivot careers and overall to appear to be unreliable in the business world. I think were misunderstood. We are the generation that refuses to be miserable, were not going to work an 8-6 job for a salary that gets us nowhere and little promotion. Maybe I am speaking for an entire generation, or maybe I am speaking for myself. I am tired of sitting behind a desk tinkering on a computer all day, life is meant to be so much more than that. I know that working in a cubicle and wearing a suit was a childhood dream. I think it’s because my parents worked in the education system and I thought that if I wore a suit I would be rich. I have money, but my life is less than rich.

I want to leave all stones unturned in my life. I don’t want to say, “oh I have always wanted to do that”. I want to say, “oh, what a memory it was”. I want my work to embody my lifestyle. I am not a selfish person, I am not greedy or manipulative. If I spend 40 hours per week with others, I want the people I am surrounding myself with to have similar ideas and beliefs or at least, be open to learning new things. I have contemplated for hours about what I should do to achieve an authenticated life and 2016 is the year I am going to do it.

Goals:

  1. Apply to Naropa University’s graduate program
  2. Get an interview at Naropa University
  3. Get into Naropa University Graduate Program – Fall 2016
  4. Get my 200 Yoga Teacher Training Certification from Parusha Yoga
  5. Attain a job at either a. Career Center at Naropa with a scholarship, b. RiseSmart or Cielo
  6. Move to somewhere beautiful
    1. If I get into Naropa, then it will be Boulder.
    2. If not Tahoe, Mammoth, Boulder, someplace awesome where I can be outside.
  7. Strengthen my yoga practice
  8. Attain a deeper understanding of holistic medicine
    1. Spread the knowledge of it
  9. Recover my surgery knee to 100%
  10. Get back into skiing
  11. get back into skateboarding
  12. Get back into downhill biking
  13. Become more thankful – once a day write or reflect one good thing I am thankful for
  14. go camping
  15. go on a road trip
  16. Go raving with Knarly
  17. Continue to grow my relationship with my family
  18. Be open to finding love -Monkey year is my year for love ❤
  19. Attend Wonderlust with my Mother
  20. Attend a festival with my Sister
  21. Catch a fish
  22. Read at least 4 books
  23. Read at least 30 minutes per week night
  24. Do at least 6 Bikram double days
  25. Participate in 2 30 day Yoga Challenges
  26. Stay sober from Alcohol for 1 year
  27. 3 morning workouts per week
  28. LONG TERM
    1. Launch a company for spreading holistic medicine
    2. Own my own property
    3. Have a garden to grow my own tea
    4. Get married to a soulmate
    5. have children
    6. Travel to every continent
    7. See the Northern Lights
    8. Be happy.
    9. Spread positivity
    10. Spread knowledge

NOTE TO SELF: Just make sure your “work” is your passion. If your work is your passion, then you are merely passionate soul.