Tag Archives: meditation

Through this universal Life Energy, we can connect in a positive, accepting, loving way.

This is just one of the many ideas of Virginia Satir’s Transformational Systematic Therapy. The idea of her workings to me are something I strongly believe in.I have a firm stance that at human is made of matter(body) and energy (brain) coupled with a sense of spirit. 

So why do some therapies not address the spirit, or vital energies and life forces?  As one of the only living animals on this earth that can ponder what happens after life, it makes sense to take care of this energy source while it is alive. 

Satir has an in-depth therapy system that has worked across the world and for the past 70 years. Below lists basics concepts I like to live by and hope to understand more in-depth for the benefit of my life and clients.

1. Human beings are all unique manifestations of the same Universal Life Force. Through this universal Life Energy, we can connect in a positive, accepting, loving way. 2. Human processes are universal; all human beings experience themselves through doing, thinking, feeling, expecting, yearning and spiritual connection. Therefore, these human processes can be accessed and changed regardless of different environments, cultures, and circumstances.

3. People are basically good. At their core, essential level of Life Energy, people are naturally positive. They need to find this internal treasure to connect with and validate their own self-worth.

4. People all have the internal resources they need in order to cope successfully with whatever situations life provides and to grow through them. All necessary internal resources reside within, even those that people may have learned to judge in a negative way or those that are as yet undiscovered.

5. The “problem” is not the problem; how people cope with their problem is the problem. How seriously the person experiences the problem through the meanings they make, their worries and their copings, impacts on how great a problem it becomes for them.

6. The symptom is the subconscious solution to the problem, even if it creates dysfunctional patterns. It is the result of the person’s attempt to survive the pain of their problem. Although the person’s perceived problem needs to be heard and validated, therapeutic change needs to work on wholesome solutions from the person’s Life Energy and yearnings.

7. Therapy needs to focus on health and possibilities instead of problems and pathology. Life Energy is naturally positively directional and therapy needs to tap into the natural process of human growth in a positive direction. 8. Change is always possible. Even if

8. Change is always possible. Even if external change is limited, internal change is still possible. We can learn to be consciously responsible for and decide how we will live on our insides, even when the outside cannot change.

9. We cannot change past events; we can only change the impact that the past events have had on us. It is possible to resolve impacts from the past in order to live with more positive energy and be free of old hurts, angers, fears and negative messages in the present.

10. People do the best they can at any moment in time. Even when they have done very negative or destructive things, it is the best coping that they were capable of at that moment in time and is a reflection of their level of self-worth. Therefore, there is no reason to blame them for their past failures. Helping them experience their positively directional Life Energy will help them make new choices for the present and future.

11. Feelings belong to us. We all have them and can learn to be in charge of them. We can be responsible for them and make choices about them. We can listen to the positive life message from our feelings and give ourselves the validation we need. We can choose to let go of feelings that create negative energies and events and replace them with acceptance, appreciation, forgiveness, love and peace.

12. Wholeness, growth and evolution are natural human processes and, therefore, need to be the focus of any therapeutic change. Transformational change comes from the level of Life Energy and is a part of natural human growth and evolution. It means that people are becoming more of their true, spiritual Selves rather than their reactive, survival systems.

13. The therapist’s use of Self is the greatest therapeutic tool that the therapist has to create the conditions to facilitate positively directional, transformational change. Therapists who experience their own positively directional Life Energy are able to provide clients with therapeutic relationships based on care, acceptance and new possibilities. The therapist often experiences the positive nature of the client’s Life Energy even before the client does and connects with the client at that level.

14. Hope is a significant component or ingredient for change to take place. When the therapist experiences the positive nature of the client’s true Self, hope becomes a tangible aspect of the therapeutic process and guides the way towards change.

(Aspects taken from a briefing by Dr. John Banmen, RPsych, RMFT & Kathlyne Maki-Banmen, MA, RCC)

Fear

A simple meditation for being with your fears

Sometimes high up in the forest, I find a rock to perch upon. Sometimes, I read, other times I meditate but when I want to come back to reality and lose my fears of the future; I do this.

I find the highest rock. I find an area that seems comfortable to me, I stand tall and close my eyes. I stand there until I completely forget where I am, losing time and space. Gaining a fleeting feeling as if I am hovering above the earth.

rtable to me, I stand tall and close my eyes. I stand there until I completely forget where I am, losing time and space. Gaining a fleeting feeling as if I am hovering above the earth.

All I think about is this:

Do I trust myself deeply? Decisions, actions, future, past.

I trust myself deeply, decisions, actions, future, past all happened because I trust myself deeply.

I go through this until I mean exactly what I say.
Knowing that the universe provides always. Every time I close my eyes, I know I trust myself & the universe.

What am I going through:

Lately, I have been doing this often as my path to graduate school begins very soon. I look at where this beautiful life journey has brought me. In the beginning, I was upset I did not take this journey sooner, then I feared if it would be worth the money and as the time to descend to Boulder; I can’t help but think of how I will once again be leaving a home I just created for myself. I will be out of my element, standing out as me, the girl from California among a class of 40 other students from mostly the east coast. I have not been in a classroom since I graduated in 2012 from Fresno State. I will be asked to write & then I will be critiqued on my writing. I love to write but I fear, like so many times in the past, it just won’t be good enough. Will my conservative, liberal thoughts not be accepted by my peers? Do I realllllly want to do this? When I am feeling scared, alone or just not me, I can’t hop in the car to see the people who make me feel the best. The universe always provides, ALWAYS provides what it is & exactly what you need, the faith in me for that is deep. So while these fears are so apparent, my meditation has always gotten me to let go of these fears.

So I meditate like this

Knowing that the universe provides always. Every time I close my eyes, I know I trust myself & the universe.

Mother Earth

Today I laid arms spread wide as if I was hugging the earth.

I was supposed to be doing yoga, but half way through a posture I found myself hugging the earth.

Something inside of me deeply needed this.

And as I lay holding on to this beautiful mass we walk on every day, I felt my body melting. My mind completely still I felt it, I felt the beat of the earth.

It was at that moment, my belief in Mother Earth was greatly deepened, it was as if she was hugging back.

Mother Earth has been my support she has felt every heartbreak of every living soul, she has  witnessed every birth and will all over her cores energy, she holds us down.

Today, I lay on the ground, hugging the earth and I swear I felt Mother Earths heartbeat.

Today I became more of a human than I have ever been in my life.

Today I know, I am me.

Thank you, Mother Earth.

Forgotten

Why do I feel so forgotten lately?

It reminds me of when I was younger and my Dad was supposed to pick me up on Wednesdays from school and bring me to practice. He missed three weeks in a row before I decided to find my own way.

Its this knot that builds very low inside me. Slow building a rope that rises up through my head. Eventually cutting off my senses, I become cold, insecure and weak.

It is a feeling like not knowing if tomorrow the sun will rise.

This thought is ever lasting that there is something damaged about me, something that no one wants.

So every day I fall more madly in love with myself because I will always know who and where I am. That is what meditation has taught me to do, know my truth.

At some point, I think this can be so obsessive and how can I find a love that won’t forget me if I don’t forget myself. How can I receive with no hand to give hold to in return?

But self-loving is not just loving myself it is being selfless to others.

Giving yourself to others through simple actions. Choosing not to engage, to ignore anger, and show undenying love and affection to those who are in need of it, because I have so much for myself, everyone needs it too.

When I am not self-loving I destroy myself, breakdown and become someone I hate.

We all do.

So I choose every moment, to take it(life) as it is.

To remind myself to smile because no one likes a frowny friend.

To remind myself to be selfless because that is how you receive self.

Writing this to remind myself that this is who I am.

Practicing this & repeating these actions over and over can only change my life.

Each time I practice, the gaps in my selfishness becomes less and less.

 

This will be who I am, NOT FORGOTTEN.

Day 11 – THE DISADVANTAGES OF SELF-CHERISHING

Prior to reading this meditation, I read this prayer aloud a few times. I enjoy it because it does not mention the word god. God in my world describes the universal unknown. While some choose to say he walked this earth, I still have my doubts which is why I like alternative words for the greater not narrowing life to one creator.

PRAYER OF THE STAGES OF THE PATH

BY JE TSONGKHAPA

The path begins with strong reliance
On my kind Teacher, source of all good;
O Bless me with this understanding
To follow him with great devotion.

This human life with all its freedoms,
Extremely rare, with so much meaning;
O Bless me with this understanding
All day and night to seize its essence.

My body, like a water bubble,
Decays and dies so very quickly;
After death come results of karma,
Just like the shadow of a body.

With this firm knowledge and remembrance
Bless me to be extremely cautious,
Always avoiding harmful actions
And gathering abundant virtue.

Samsara’s pleasures are deceptive,
Give no contentment, only torment;
So please bless me to strive sincerely
To gain the bliss of perfect freedom.

O Bless me so that from this pure thought
Come mindfulness and greatest caution,
To keep as my essential practice
The doctrine’s root, the Pratimoksha.

Just like myself all my kind mothers
Are drowning in samsara’s ocean;
O So that I may soon release them,
Bless me to train in bodhichitta.

But I cannot become a Buddha
By this alone without three ethics;
So bless me with the strength to practise
The Bodhisattva’s ordination.

By pacifying my distractions
And analyzing perfect meanings,
Bless me to quickly gain the union
Of special insight and quiescence.

When I become a pure container
Through common paths, bless me to enter
The essence practice of good fortune,
The supreme vehicle, Vajrayana.

The two attainments both depend on
My sacred vows and my commitments;
Bless me to understand this clearly
And keep them at the cost of my life.

By constant practice in four sessions,
The way explained by holy Teachers,
O Bless me to gain both the stages,
Which are the essence of the Tantras.

May those who guide me on the good path,
And my companions all have long lives;
Bless me to pacify completely
All obstacles, outer and inner.

May I always find perfect Teachers,
And take delight in holy Dharma,
Accomplish all grounds and paths swiftly,
And gain the state of Vajradhara.

 

The following meditation is from The New Meditation Handbook, by Geshe Kelsang Gyatso

11. THE DISADVANTAGES OF SELF-CHERISHING

Purpose: To remember the many faults and disadvantages of self-cherishing.

Nothing causes me greater harm than the demon of my self-cherishing. It is the source of all my negativity, misfortune, problems and suffering.

Make the strong determination: “I must abandon my self-cherishing.”

Reflection

This statement I really enjoy. Deep into reflection I feel it to be supremely true. When I look at the times I have been the most distressed many of the times have been because of my own self-cherishing or others self-cherishing.

Self-cherishing is greed.

While a good amount of self-cherishing is healthy by accepting, acknowledging and celebrating that your body is a temple. Too much can only cause great pain.

The first and best lesson my father taught me when running sprints was to never look at the guy behind you.

I never really understood why he said this but when I ran sprint I never dared take a peek behind me. Any inclining of doubt in what someone may have that I did not, I knew was not good for me. So as I progressed through out my life, I learned to pay no attention to what others were doing. Because of this others find me to be EXTREMELY competitive, inside when I hear this I laugh. Most people see all that they desire in those who have mastered this skill undeniably, not knowing what they want is to not see themselves as a value. Knowing that I am no more or no less than others only makes me my truest self. In some ways, this can be seen as extreme self-cherishing. But here is the way I see it.

Sally has a nice car, a nice house, and a killer body.

Ren has a car, a house, and a body.

Ren meets Sally, the entire time Ren is with Sally she looks at herself and say’s “I want what she has”. So Ren works tirelessly, each day she works to get what Sally has, each day she looks in the mirror telling herself she is not good enough because Sally has it all. Each day she is instilling negativity, doubt, and suffering deep within herself.

When Ren finally attains what Sally has, she will no longer be capable of having inner peace because of the long installation of negativity, doubt, and suffering.

 

Day 8 – RECOGNIZING THAT ALL LIVING BEINGS ARE OUR MOTHERS

The following meditation is from The New Meditation Handbook, by Geshe Kelsang Gyatso

8. RECOGNIZING THAT ALL LIVING BEINGS ARE OUR MOTHERS

Purpose: To enhance our affectionate love for all living beings

Since it is impossible to find a beginning to my mental continuum, it follows that I have taken countless rebirths in the past. And if I have had countless rebirths, I must have had countless mothers. Where are these mothers now? They are all the living beings alive today.

Object of meditation: The recognition that all living beings are our mothers.

Reflection

I find this statement to hold heavy weight. Not only are we mothers in past lives but we are mothers of our own actions, thoughts, and current life.  Every moment we live is an opportunity to birth a moment of beauty. We make a conscious choice to create something wonderful or kill our unborn happiness when we live in a state of unconsciousness or are un-intentional with our own actions.

 

Prayer of Refuge and Bodhicitta       

I take refuge until I am enlightened
In the Buddhas, the Dharma and the Sangha.
Through the merit, I create by practicing giving
and the other perfectionsMay I attain

May I attain enlightenment for the sake of all
sentient beings.

The following meditation is from The New Meditation Handbook, by Geshe Kelsang Gyatso

7. DEVELOPING EQUANIMITY

Purpose: To free our mind from unbalanced attitudes

There is no sense in feeling attached to someone who appears attractive, feeling aversion toward someone who appears unattractive, or feeling indifferent toward someone who is neither attractive nor unattractive. Someone who appears attractive to me can be the object of aversion to others; someone who appears unattractive to me can be the object of attachment to others; and someone to whom I feel indifferent can be the object of attachment or aversion to others. There is no certainty. The appearances of attractiveness, unattractiveness and indifference are only my own mistaken projections; and they make my mind unbalanced, unpeaceful, and destroy my happiness.

Make the strong determination: “I must stop these unbalanced minds, and develop and maintain equanimity – an equally warm and friendly attitude toward all living beings.”

Reflection:

I feel like this is something I have easily done throughout my life. Not to judge someone based on what they look like or where they came from, what I need to continuously remind myself is that people’s actions are often times results of their past. I need to be more kind and open to others when their actions I feel are not respectable.

I must be more warm, friendly and accepting of all living beings. Not joking about other cultures or jumping to assumptions.

I will be more warm, friendly and accepting. – This is my new mantra, I have written it down & will repeat it daily.

Meditation 2 – Death and Impermanence

Prior to beginning this contemplation for meditation, I followed my breath, unchanged, just experiencing what it was like to be alive. In my mind I repeated this:

My breath is life

Everything I project comes to light

My inhale is precious

My exhale is precious

My intake of the world, energies, and beings around me are equally as important as the breath I exhale, the thoughts I project and the actions I create.

I then began the following meditation

The following meditation is from The New Meditation Handbook, by Geshe Kelsang Gyatso

2. DEATH AND IMPERMANENCE

Purpose: To eliminate the laziness of attachment, the main obstacle to practicing Dharma purely.

I shall definitely die. There is no way to prevent my body from finally decaying. Day by day, moment by moment, my life is slipping away. I have no idea when I shall die; the time of death is completely uncertain. Many young people die before their parents, some die the moment they are born – there is no certainty in this world. Furthermore, there are many causes of untimely death. The lives of many strong and healthy people are destroyed by accidents. There is no guarantee I shall not die today.

Repeat: “I may die today. I may die today. I may die today.”
Conclusion and determination: “Since I shall soon have to depart from this world, there is no sense in my becoming attached to the things of this life. Instead, I will devote my whole life to the practice of Dharma.”

Reflection:

If we lose attachment to the things we find pleasure in, what is the point of living? This part of Buddhism I find very hard to see the light in. In the Buddhist tradition, we wait are whole life to die, releasing from the attachment of life and its pleasures only makes our death more painless.

Every aspect of life I love deeply. From tragic childhood experiences to dancing to my favorite songs with friends, life is precious. I choose to acknowledge life, that each day I live may be my last. I choose to acknowledge that if today were my last, I lived it according to my inner desire. I make each decision of this waking life knowing that today may be my last, and if this is fact, I am doing everything I can to live in a way that would make my soul dance.

Not every day of my life did I see this way. My thoughts, desires, and actions were clouded. I was young but that is no excuse. I would waiver over being good to myself and soul and tragically depleting it of all its worth. But what was the point of being so perfect all the time? I’m here to live not wait for death.

I can live more fully when I am conscious of every moment, action and decision.

So as I grow into DEATH each day I choose to DIE gracefully and with honor and respect to my eternal soul.

So as I grow into LIFE each day I choose to LIVE gracefully and with honor and respect to my eternal soul.

After this meditation and reflection, I spoke with a family friend of mine. She said a great way to remember this fact was by each time you blow out a candle, think “this is my last breath”.  Yes, this would be my mantra for the rest of the day.

Meditation 1 – Our precious human life

Generating bodhicitta 

Through the virtues, I collected by giving and other perfections,

May I become a buddha for the benefit of all.

Repeat three times

To me, bodhicitta means to be a peacekeeper and spreader of positivity and happiness. I enjoy cultivating these seeds in myself and within my community, I aim to create I a better world that is.

Our precious human life

A quick quote from the contemplation is “If we use our human life to accomplish spiritual realizations, it becomes immensely meaningful”. The main purpose of this meditation is to encourage ourselves to practice dharma daily.

I then read this lamrim as a point to begin my meditation on. Soon after I found a single point of realization and began to meditate deeply.

Our human life is precious, rare and immensely meaningful. Due to their previous deluded views that denied the importance of spiritual practice, those who have taken rebirth as animals, for example, now have no opportunity to understand or practice Dharma. Since it is impossible for them to listen to, contemplate or practice Dharma, their present animal rebirth is itself an obstacle. Only human beings are free from such obstacles and have all the necessary conditions for engaging in spiritual paths, which alone lead to everlasting happiness. This combination of freedom and possession of necessary conditions is the special characteristic that makes our human life so precious.

Although there are many human beings in this world, each one of us has only one life. Each person may own many cars and houses, but even the richest person in the world cannot possess more than one life; and, when that is drawing to an end, he or she cannot buy, borrow or manufacture another. When we lose this life, it will be very difficult to find another similarly qualified human life in the future. Therefore, for each of us, a human life is very rare.

If we use our human life to accomplish spiritual realizations, it becomes immensely meaningful. By using it in this way, we actualize our full potential and progress from the state of an ordinary, ignorant being to that of a fully enlightened being, the highest of all beings; and when we have done this, we shall have the power to benefit all living beings without exception. Thus by using our life for gaining spiritual realizations, we can solve all our human problems and fulfill all our own and others’ wishes. What could be more meaningful than this?

As I dove into contemplation I flashed back living in San Francisco when I was driving with a dangerous and angry cab driver, I remember as we faintly avoided and oncoming car exclaiming “life is fragile”.

It is.

It really is.

After that moment, I began to see the world in a different lens that I had never experienced before. This meditation brings to light experiences like these, its your spirit telling you to sit up and live.

This life is precious, it is fragile and should be handled with care. We can care for ourselves, the people around us and the world we walk on. If our human life is precious all aspects of it should be treated with respect and care. Knowing who you are, what you stand for and where you are going are equally as important to how you fuel your light. The energies you surround yourself with, the food your place inside of you to the high-risk behaviors you may engage in. Sometimes people are born knowing this, others like myself need to learn this through trial and error.

I am thankful for this, I know how precious life can be. I am thankful for my good health I will use it to help others. I am thankful for my smile and the smile for those that I love, for we are alive!

Our human life is precious, rare and immensely meaningful.

It is.

It really is.

21 days of meditation – How I shine my light

There are many different ways to devote yourself to living. In my experience I there are so many different beliefs and to me, none of them are wrong. My life is a culmination of various religion, I have thirst; to connect with the unknown and  so I continue to create myself into a devoted human to the earth through various tools. I am a spiritual person who wishes to engage and learn about the various thoughts and beliefs to construct my own.

So on my path of becoming a better person for this world, I have decided to meditate on the 21 meditations of  the Buddha dharma. There are many principles which fall into the Buddhist construct such as Samsara, the fact that the mind is endless (karma/reincarnation) and that our thoughts can be controlled by ourselves.

In the Buddhist belief, this will bring me from an ordinary small being to that of a special small being and then a middling beings a great being and then an enlightened being. “These 21 meditation’s is the actual method for making this progress”(The New Mediation Handbook).

By doing so I hope to increase my personal vitality, to emanate happiness and finding calming peace inside of me. Each day I will recite a prayer to protect and connect me with higher senses, I will then read a contemplation and begin my meditation.

I invite you to follow along my journey of enlightenment by following along!

Regrets

In I believe there are two regrets we may hold, there is the should have/could haves and the why did I’s and I did not mean to. If we live our lives to our truest intention, our regrets will soon dissipate and become less frequent. We will not get knots in our tummy as we reflect on the past, we will not need to alter our memories or create defenses to make ourselves feel better, we will simply begin to live a life that is so according to our truest form, there will be no what ifs, should haves or  doubt.

Sometimes this is easier said than done. A mother denying past interactions with her child, a father completely fine with skipping his child’s college graduation, a young woman uneasy about taking a trip to travel the world, a student fearful of debt.

These are all people who have made decisions or will make decisions that can greatly impact their own well being or the well being of someone who greatly seeks their love.

The why did I’s and I did not mean to

Overcoming uncomfortable past memories can be one of the hardest things to do. This is often why many are unable to sit down with their thoughts and meditate. They are so uncomfortable that they make excuses as to why they should not or how they simply cannot. These people often addicts and abusers will recreate uncomfortable memories to better suit them, denying any past wrong doing. For instance, both a mother and a father engaged in unhealthy drug habits. After a divorce, the father openly admits and accepts his drug addiction, accepting help and acknowledging to his children that he was wrong. He lives each following moment more intently with open love and gratitude. His children admire his strength in his ability to accept the things he cannot change. This father smiles deeply knowing that the past is the past and every day he wakes he can be a better person than the day before.

For instance, both a mother and a father engaged in unhealthy drug habits. After a divorce, the father openly admits and accepts his drug addiction, accepting help and acknowledging to his children that he was wrong. He lives each following moment more intently with open love and gratitude. His children admire his strength in his ability to accept the things he cannot change. This father smiles deeply knowing that the past is the past and every day he wakes he can be a better person than the day before. The mother,however, hides her addiction. Placing all the blame on the father, when asked why she left it, much of it was to do with the drugs. While no longer together, the mother continues her drug use, apparent to the child. If asked about it anger is presented by the mother, she refuses to admit wrongdoing. This is unhealthy regret. The child see’s her mother’s weakness and notices a pattern. All her mother’s unpleasant past actions are recreated to be untrue or completely ignored. The mother calls the child a liar, places blame on others or just ends conversations. People who do this are the ones who need to meditate the most, to sit down face to face with times where you were not your truest self and say to each memory:

Breathing in, I acknowledge this memory to not be my truest self.

Breathing out, I accept that this is not the real me.

Breathing in, I am strong for knowing my weakness.

Breathing out, I acknowledge my strength.

At first, this may be uncomfortable, this is where the growth begins. These unpleasant memories will no longer create ill feelings within you. Cultivating seeds of acceptance within yourself, as others who love you have already done.

The could have would haves

Controversially, there a the young women faced with the opportunity to go to Africa on a whim to see her boyfriend for two months having just begun the job of her dreams. A trip of a lifetime with the love of her life, will her work accept her request to work remotely? Will she have enough money to travel comfortably? Should she not go now and go at a later time when she is more financial endowed and has prepared for a two-month safari? If she does not go, will there be another chance?

Will this be something she regrets for the rest of her life?

This is a life decision, it involves a major financial burden, it strains your work situation and lovers life. If the answer to the last question is yes, GO. There will be more feelings of uncomfortable doubt in the future that overcoming that would be very hard to do. However, accepting things you cannot currently change is the biggest gesture of

However, accepting things you cannot currently change is the biggest gesture of maturity. If your work is perplexed by you asking for two months remote having just begun, contemplating your long term life with your short term life is something worth pondering heavily. If it pains you to let go, create a plan both financially and career wise, so that when you cannot go, you know it is okay because you have a plan to go in X months or X years with X amount of money.

An exercise one  would be to imagine their life without this opportunity being presented.

What does it look like? Where are you? Who are you with? What would happen?

Then again to imagine taking the trip now?

What does it look like? Where are you? Who are you with? What would happen?

Then again imagine yourself not taking the trip?

What does it look like? Where are you? Who are you with? What would happen?

Notice if you find yourself taking the leaps because you are scared of losing a person in your life, or not taking a leap because you are scared of losing an opportunity. If it is true love, a trip will not matter, if it is the right opportunity, it will be presented again.

If it is true love, a trip will not matter, if it is the right opportunity, it will be presented again. Do what feels right and cultivates a seed for happiness in your future.

Then there is the girl who is scared of going to grad school because of money. After many years of debating on a major life investment, she took the leap to apply. Planning on going she begins to deeply doubt herself as the time to attend comes. Knowing that she needs to do this the only thing holding her back is the fear of being poor for the majority of her life.

Each day she awakens, she writes 5 truths she knows about herself. She imagines her journey ahead of her, noticing the now, the future and the end. Each day the story and her truth changes, but one this stays consistent, her aspiration to help others so she knows it will all be worth it.

After visualizing, she breathes.

Breathing in, I know my true path.

Breathing out, I know this journey is my truest path.

Breathing in, I accept my path with gratitude.

Breathing out, I am confident in myself.

If all else fails, remember: its never too late to re-do your future <3.

The best day of my life

The best day of my life was the day I was adopted. Sometimes, I think deeply to myself and reflect on how extremely lucky I am. Of course, my thinking on this was not always this way and it took me much work to understand the magnitude of gratitude I could hold for this simple act.

Around the age of 13, I really started to wonder what it would be like if my parents did not adopt me. I just did not want to be at home, I thought my birth parents had a fairytale life, much better for me. Many 13-year-olds go through this stage, especially if there are other conflicts in the home, however for adopted children this can be magnified on a much larger scale. There are actually two real people out there with actual lives. Luckily for me, my parents had always allowed me to have contact with them which helped me to understand this home is my home. I knew my birth mother was not able to keep me because she was in school, but it angered me that she had a child a year and a half after. It was a hard pill to swallow and I questioned if it was because I was brown.

I then went to college and completely understood that what she is probably the hardest thing college student could do. I even spoke to my birthmother about this when I was in college. I asked her what I should do. She told she had six abortions before having me. My life may haven’t been, I am grateful. I then put myself in her shoes, a 23-year-old, living on their own, studying and constantly surrounded by partying. She carried me for 9 months with her head held high. She was not married, she was not dating the father of the child and she was going to school. I couldn’t imagine myself doing this, life is precious.

I couldn’t imagine myself doing what she did, life is precious. She deeply knew that and honored the world by bringing me into life.

I healed experiencing college and being able to put myself in her shoes.

I heal every day I look around me surrounded by the beauty of life.

I heal when I look at my life and see all the accomplishments, places, and opportunities that have been presented to me.

I heal knowing that I have defied many odds.

We as humans are not perfect, but we have the ability to heal.

Its all perspective​.

No Bohns About It

Unbound from societies constructs, I set my spirit free.

“In the most ordinary terms, egolessness is a flexible identity. It manifests as inquisitiveness, as adaptability as humor, as playfulness. It is our capacity to relax with not knowing, not figuring everything out, with not being at all sure about who we are, or who anyone else is, either. Every moment is unique, unknown, completely fresh. For a warrior-in-training egolessness is a cause of joy rather than a cause of fear.”

This statement by Pema could not be truer. For the longest time, I had a strong fear of being poor. After graduating university, I was not allowed back home and quickly joined the workforce. I did not want to starve and had to prove to my family I was capable of anything. Finding success made me feel good only temporarily, no one ever expected me to survive yet alone thrive in Orange County, but I did. Deep inside I knew this was not who I wanted to be, I thought moving around would be the cure, but the fear of being irrelevant continued to bight me.

One day I sat down with myself if I genuinely wanted to be happy I needed to follow my true path exactly. I needed to give out this act of security and carry out my truest intention.

I left my well paying corporate job to dive thousands of dollars into “creative debt” (thank you Kanye for the term)ollow my passion for helping others, to finally begin to attain my license to become a therapist. I left my corporate job which allowed me to pay my rent in San Francisco to become a yoga teacher. I left my corporate job which allowed me to buy material things that made me appear to be successful to clean houses in Tahoe for the summer before school.

I left my well paying job so that my heart could actually smile because it was living its authentic path. I left my lucrative career so my spirit could live to its highest potential.

There is no fear inside of me only joy for what is to come. To some, this is an odd way to think and people ask “how will you survive?”. I laugh because I know myself. Never turning down work that is given to me is how I live and if that is the only exclamation a person can give when you tell them you are following your soul’s path, its obvious to me there need to be more spirits in this world set free.

I breathe.

We are so confined by society and what we should do or be. Why? Why have we struggled with this?

I believe that the day I decided that my spirit was worth more than cookies cut from societies stone cake was the day I set myself free.

If I want to light my own candle, bake my own cake and sing my own song, I must listen to myself exactly and live exactly according to my voice and rejoice in its perfect song.

Go for a walk

The other day at yoga school, I decided to go outside and take a walk in the beautiful sunshine. I passed by this home when I saw this beautiful bed of flowers, my heart flourished. As I admired the flowers, I heard birds signing and children playing. It had been so long that I had walked alone, without distraction of my phone, friends or thoughts that I found this clarity.

My heart smiled at me. I truly had missed this.

This is life.

When I returned to the studio, it was difficult for another student to imagine a day with out television. To me an hour of television is an hour of not thinking.

I thought, this is dieing.

My heart cringed for his, thinking of the happiness the outdoors could bring him.

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Nervousness.

It has been a belief of mine that nerves are disguised as excitement. Before competing, before interviews, before anything I am anticipating: EXCITEMENT. This is what I tell myself,  I never think of failure. It has never been an option. See there is no failing, only an opportunity to learn. But lately, this isn’t true. I am scared shitless, I am nervous.

See, I have spent the past 9 months living in San Francisco, close to my family & surrounded by people I truly have made deep connections with. Finally, I am surrounding myself with wonderful people who foster beauty in every aspect of my life. There are so many wonderful people that want to be friends with me!

So everything I have been building, my strong wholesome root. My career, my family, my friends; will all change if I am to go to graduate school at Naropa. This scares me, my root chakra feels as if it will break. I take each moment I have here with great gratitude, hoping to make the most out of each moment.

I am nervous, my interview for Naropa is next Saturday. I really can’t remember my essay, what transformation is or what mindfulness really truly means. For the first time, I am going to be questioned about my knowledge of Mindful thinking in a professional environment. I will be tasked with talking to other peers about my knowledge of Mindfulness. I have never done this before. I am nervous because I don’t know what will happen.

As I write this, I sit here and thinking  I shoudl be excited. I am excited, excited for a new endeavor. A chance to learn, a chance to grow, a chance to pursue a dream.

If I continue to live my life with love and embody my intention, when I leave to pursue my true intention, I will feel no qualms. It will be fine, becuase I will be where I need to be.

 

 

Purusha Yoga Teacher Training

This weekend I began my journey of becoming a yoga teacher. What a wonderful experience! As I write this my eyes are heavy, my heart is whole and I am filled with love, knowledge and excitement.

We began by introducing ourselves and our intentions of this course. I chose to set my intention as growth. I thought of this deeply because there is so many areas of my life I would like to prosper. Socially, economically, fundamentally and personally growing for the better. Joy, PJ, Eric and Laxman have all expressed that the teacher training will teach you so much about yourself & I believe it already.

With only 16 hours of guidance under my belt I am beginning to learn a lot about myself. I am a very egocentric person in my outward expression. I think this is because I am quick to speak and slow to think.

Expressing my ego is something I would like to shut down almost completely, this is my goal. Mindful speaking can help be increase and grow my knowledge by allowing others to say things that I most likely haven’t heard or opens a conversation. By having a conversation, I am able to grow friends and by growing friends I will be happy which will help me be happier at work causing me to grow economically. Once I have grown enough I have set my vision at getting into Naropa’s graduate program.

Through the teacher training, I will be able to understand myself more so that I am prepared for the next journey of mine in life.

Now, SANSKIRT – what the heck is this? I am terrible at reading it aloud but through chanting and matra’s we are able to grasp a better understanding of the pronunciation. We open each session or day with three Om’s (the sound of the earth) and then say Shanti (for peace) I really like this part of the practice and provides a ritual and really prepares me for deep meditation.

I have been doing a lot of meditation in the past but I really feel a deeper thought flow during the last sittings through the guidance of the Purusha teachers, I hope I can be like them: inspirational mediation guides.

I am perplexed by racism.

My cousin is openly racist. I understand that there is something innate in everyone that attracts them to others that look like themselves and run from those who they are unfamiliar with. I get that, I get that sometimes I say things or people do things & I make generalizations. I don’t like this part of me & I try to think differently and pay attention to it.

I am sorry for my thoughts as we are all humans. Sometimes others have different agendas, they can be cruel agendas or loving agendas. When others agendas aim to me, I innately go into fight mode. I judge. I Judge hard. This is racism to me, however, others take it to such a greater.

I hope that someday the world can become a better place through education of our own awareness of our thoughts and thought action. Racism is innate, it is your conscious decision to be a complete barbarian or learn, adapt and become a superior being to understand.