Tag Archives: mediation

Fear

A simple meditation for being with your fears

Sometimes high up in the forest, I find a rock to perch upon. Sometimes, I read, other times I meditate but when I want to come back to reality and lose my fears of the future; I do this.

I find the highest rock. I find an area that seems comfortable to me, I stand tall and close my eyes. I stand there until I completely forget where I am, losing time and space. Gaining a fleeting feeling as if I am hovering above the earth.

rtable to me, I stand tall and close my eyes. I stand there until I completely forget where I am, losing time and space. Gaining a fleeting feeling as if I am hovering above the earth.

All I think about is this:

Do I trust myself deeply? Decisions, actions, future, past.

I trust myself deeply, decisions, actions, future, past all happened because I trust myself deeply.

I go through this until I mean exactly what I say.
Knowing that the universe provides always. Every time I close my eyes, I know I trust myself & the universe.

What am I going through:

Lately, I have been doing this often as my path to graduate school begins very soon. I look at where this beautiful life journey has brought me. In the beginning, I was upset I did not take this journey sooner, then I feared if it would be worth the money and as the time to descend to Boulder; I can’t help but think of how I will once again be leaving a home I just created for myself. I will be out of my element, standing out as me, the girl from California among a class of 40 other students from mostly the east coast. I have not been in a classroom since I graduated in 2012 from Fresno State. I will be asked to write & then I will be critiqued on my writing. I love to write but I fear, like so many times in the past, it just won’t be good enough. Will my conservative, liberal thoughts not be accepted by my peers? Do I realllllly want to do this? When I am feeling scared, alone or just not me, I can’t hop in the car to see the people who make me feel the best. The universe always provides, ALWAYS provides what it is & exactly what you need, the faith in me for that is deep. So while these fears are so apparent, my meditation has always gotten me to let go of these fears.

So I meditate like this

Knowing that the universe provides always. Every time I close my eyes, I know I trust myself & the universe.

Mother Earth

Today I laid arms spread wide as if I was hugging the earth.

I was supposed to be doing yoga, but half way through a posture I found myself hugging the earth.

Something inside of me deeply needed this.

And as I lay holding on to this beautiful mass we walk on every day, I felt my body melting. My mind completely still I felt it, I felt the beat of the earth.

It was at that moment, my belief in Mother Earth was greatly deepened, it was as if she was hugging back.

Mother Earth has been my support she has felt every heartbreak of every living soul, she has  witnessed every birth and will all over her cores energy, she holds us down.

Today, I lay on the ground, hugging the earth and I swear I felt Mother Earths heartbeat.

Today I became more of a human than I have ever been in my life.

Today I know, I am me.

Thank you, Mother Earth.

Why yoga?

Why yoga?

Why yoga?

Why yoga?

This took me a while to contemplate because there are so many reasons why!

Because I don’t think I ever knew who I truly was. I started yoga as a way to clear my mind after I first started my 7:30 AM – 6:00 PM job (who willingly does that to themselves?) and had recently been diagnosed with Hashimoto’s. I read an article online that Bikram Yoga could rebalance my hormones, so I bought my first Groupon and was on my way. I did 20 out of the 30 days of class and saw my life radically transform, after staring at myself half naked in a hot room full of 40 other people, I started to see my body for what it is. I was able to concentrate more and my depressive habits began to subside. As I deepened my practice going from studio to studio throughout California I noticed that I no longer felt the need to drink heavily in social situations and could actually articulate my thoughts with confidence. I no longer found the need to get stoned or chain smoke when I was anxious I just met the mat.

When I finally did my 200-hour teacher training at Purusha, I learned about the Siddhis and how yoga can cleanse you of the siddhis. Yoga cleansed my life without me even knowing it. I HAD TO WHOLEHEARTEDLY BELIEVE THAT YOGA SAVED ME. Through yoga, I not only found my voice but discovered exactly who I am and what I am meant to be. That’s why yoga.

That’s why; yoga.

Yoga chose me, I did not choose yoga.

21 days of meditation – How I shine my light

There are many different ways to devote yourself to living. In my experience I there are so many different beliefs and to me, none of them are wrong. My life is a culmination of various religion, I have thirst; to connect with the unknown and  so I continue to create myself into a devoted human to the earth through various tools. I am a spiritual person who wishes to engage and learn about the various thoughts and beliefs to construct my own.

So on my path of becoming a better person for this world, I have decided to meditate on the 21 meditations of  the Buddha dharma. There are many principles which fall into the Buddhist construct such as Samsara, the fact that the mind is endless (karma/reincarnation) and that our thoughts can be controlled by ourselves.

In the Buddhist belief, this will bring me from an ordinary small being to that of a special small being and then a middling beings a great being and then an enlightened being. “These 21 meditation’s is the actual method for making this progress”(The New Mediation Handbook).

By doing so I hope to increase my personal vitality, to emanate happiness and finding calming peace inside of me. Each day I will recite a prayer to protect and connect me with higher senses, I will then read a contemplation and begin my meditation.

I invite you to follow along my journey of enlightenment by following along!

Loosening the Knots of Anger Through Mindfulness Practice – Lion’s Roar

via Loosening the Knots of Anger Through Mindfulness Practice – Lion’s Roar

This article is beautifully written. If you are struggling with understanding what exactly mindfulness is or how you can share it with yourself and others, Lion’s Roar will assist you!

Check it out, its worth the read.

Go for a walk

The other day at yoga school, I decided to go outside and take a walk in the beautiful sunshine. I passed by this home when I saw this beautiful bed of flowers, my heart flourished. As I admired the flowers, I heard birds signing and children playing. It had been so long that I had walked alone, without distraction of my phone, friends or thoughts that I found this clarity.

My heart smiled at me. I truly had missed this.

This is life.

When I returned to the studio, it was difficult for another student to imagine a day with out television. To me an hour of television is an hour of not thinking.

I thought, this is dieing.

My heart cringed for his, thinking of the happiness the outdoors could bring him.

Someday, it will happen.1.jpg

What is luck actually?

Working each day with people who are looking for jobs is an interesting experience, you meet every type of person and assist them in an otherwise stressful life event.

Some people manage the stress fine and others refer to you as their personal counselor; these are the candidates I love. This week a recent graduate who I have been assisting has been interviewing for some time now. He has yet to land a job, but holds a great technical skill set and personable. He was frustrated and said he just doesn’t have good luck.

It got me thinking, is it really luck? Or has he been making his job search a full-time job? Has be been working hard enough to attain his goal? What has he been doing extra to better himself? I am wondering because I simply have not used the word luck in so long. As if when he said the words, dust was being blown off of my heart. It brought me back to church Bingo with my Grandmother; my epic wins were straight luck.

I believe that we create our own luck through hard work and devotion. Day in and day out we do things, be it; necessary, extraordinary or nothing at all. If we continue to strive for things, making yourself better each day, then we will need no such thing as luck, for what we are striving for is easily attainable.

See, I meditate, a lot.

It took me a long time to get here. I struggle with a long family history of mental disorders and have overcome anxiety and depression. It took hard work to grow a quiet mind and inner peace, each day I work to achieve it. Some days silencing my mind is easier than others, but each day my mission is clear, be better for myself.

I set out my goals. to become a yoga teacher. So I create a devout practice, I work hard to make extra money to pay for my teacher training. I spend every other weekend at class for 200 hours. I apply myself, I study, I become a yoga teacher. Because I imagined it, I thought about it, I committed to it, I acted on it and I stayed true to my path.

I don’t see where there is luck in this.

“Luck is what you make it”- Luck is made, through your own practice and devotion.

Seva Project: Valentines Day

I am so grateful for stumbling upon Purusha Yoga Studio and Life Center. Not only do they offer yoga but social events as well. Last night my roommate Kerry & I attended partners yoga & a party at the studio after.

I have never partner meditated before but I learned a lot about myself & my insecurities. Even though it was just Kerry across from me, looking into my face, I could not help but become shy and giggle. Keeping my face relaxed while peering into hers, I felt as if she wanted me to look away. If I am to do this again, I need to remember to hold strong to my true self. Just like in life when you are with a partner, being you, self and holding on to your true values is the most important. Becoming a reflection of the other will merely break you.

I think about the times where I have dated men, I stopped going to yoga, I didn’t see my friends or make new friends, I simply lived their life. This I have learned will not work. I believe I am here right now without my life partner to understand who I am perfectly.So that some day when he does arrive into my life, I will not lose myself and my intention in life, he will give me the support and understanding I need to accomplish it and likewise.

 

After a few exercise, we ate food, chatted with friends and spoke with Lucia; the fortune teller. She offered me much wisdom and insight as to where I am going, it was eye opening. She expressed that I must have been a ballet dancer in my former life, I know this to be true. Even when I was younger, I was called big bird when I danced, but moving and imagining I was twirling on stage has always made my heart flutter with joy. My best childhood friend taught me a number of ballet turns, and I still now find myself spinning when I am happy, sad or just feel like it. She then told me that I haven’t been dancing enough lately  and that my spirit is being regimented, that I know is a truth as well.

The lat time I danced in the sun was in September, that is no way to let your soul live.

She expressed that my angels are there for me and all I need to do is to ask for their guidance, I most definitely will!

After meeting with Lucia I won a raffle for a private yoga lesson with Stephani who teaches Hatha, basically I want to be the mini me of her, so that was awesome :D.

This night my intentions were to grow love, in all aspects of my life. I am working on this. My intention of the year is to grow, I guess what I often ponder is what I want to grow into? This morning I came to the realization, I need to grow into myself.

How far did the apple roll from the tree?

It rolled as far as it could

Then it got stuck in a rut

The apple turned to mush

The seeds were sewn into the ground

The sprouts grew roots

The roots grew strong

The baby tree sprung up

The tree grew strong; halfway between the sun and the giving seed tree

When it was cold it found warmth in the sun

When it was windy it leaned on the giving seed tree

From the warmth of the sun and the strength of the giving tree, the tree grew deep roots and strong limbs

Now the tree has grown so tall and so wise to the weather it can see the sun and the giving tree from above

When the weather gets rough the tree stands tall knowing exactly who it is & where it came from

The tree finds comfort deep within its roots through any weather, the same roots that were created by both the warmth of the sun and the gift of life of giving tree.

By Alexandria Zachariades

2016 – The year of the Mokey

Every year I attempt to set my goals, I usually scribble it down in my journal and put it away until the following year. It is a gift to myself that I give each year after Christmas has ended. I take the time to reflect on where I was last year, what I envisioned my life to be, what I accomplished and what I aspire for the next year.

As a “millennial” I have been told that my generation is the generation to constantly change, pivot careers and overall to appear to be unreliable in the business world. I think were misunderstood. We are the generation that refuses to be miserable, were not going to work an 8-6 job for a salary that gets us nowhere and little promotion. Maybe I am speaking for an entire generation, or maybe I am speaking for myself. I am tired of sitting behind a desk tinkering on a computer all day, life is meant to be so much more than that. I know that working in a cubicle and wearing a suit was a childhood dream. I think it’s because my parents worked in the education system and I thought that if I wore a suit I would be rich. I have money, but my life is less than rich.

I want to leave all stones unturned in my life. I don’t want to say, “oh I have always wanted to do that”. I want to say, “oh, what a memory it was”. I want my work to embody my lifestyle. I am not a selfish person, I am not greedy or manipulative. If I spend 40 hours per week with others, I want the people I am surrounding myself with to have similar ideas and beliefs or at least, be open to learning new things. I have contemplated for hours about what I should do to achieve an authenticated life and 2016 is the year I am going to do it.

Goals:

  1. Apply to Naropa University’s graduate program
  2. Get an interview at Naropa University
  3. Get into Naropa University Graduate Program – Fall 2016
  4. Get my 200 Yoga Teacher Training Certification from Parusha Yoga
  5. Attain a job at either a. Career Center at Naropa with a scholarship, b. RiseSmart or Cielo
  6. Move to somewhere beautiful
    1. If I get into Naropa, then it will be Boulder.
    2. If not Tahoe, Mammoth, Boulder, someplace awesome where I can be outside.
  7. Strengthen my yoga practice
  8. Attain a deeper understanding of holistic medicine
    1. Spread the knowledge of it
  9. Recover my surgery knee to 100%
  10. Get back into skiing
  11. get back into skateboarding
  12. Get back into downhill biking
  13. Become more thankful – once a day write or reflect one good thing I am thankful for
  14. go camping
  15. go on a road trip
  16. Go raving with Knarly
  17. Continue to grow my relationship with my family
  18. Be open to finding love -Monkey year is my year for love ❤
  19. Attend Wonderlust with my Mother
  20. Attend a festival with my Sister
  21. Catch a fish
  22. Read at least 4 books
  23. Read at least 30 minutes per week night
  24. Do at least 6 Bikram double days
  25. Participate in 2 30 day Yoga Challenges
  26. Stay sober from Alcohol for 1 year
  27. 3 morning workouts per week
  28. LONG TERM
    1. Launch a company for spreading holistic medicine
    2. Own my own property
    3. Have a garden to grow my own tea
    4. Get married to a soulmate
    5. have children
    6. Travel to every continent
    7. See the Northern Lights
    8. Be happy.
    9. Spread positivity
    10. Spread knowledge

NOTE TO SELF: Just make sure your “work” is your passion. If your work is your passion, then you are merely passionate soul.

Letting go of self.

During the day long the Sister Ayya spoke about letting go of self. I felt this fitting in my current knee situation. I recently was accepted to get a donor for my meniscus. I was overwhelmed with joy that they chose me to do this procedure, however, I became uneasy when I found out who I would be receiving my parts from. It made me sad to think that I would be receiving my new meniscus from a young person whose life had been cut short. Life is fragile & valuable, it put things into a greater perspective for me. My body will be turned into a living temple tomorrow! What an amazing opportunity, I feel as if I am being given a second chance to live more mindfully and to be more instinct with what my body is telling me before it is too late & I can’t walk.

Sister Ayya articulated “Self is not grabbing, grabbing is self”. She explained that if we were to float down a river just our self we would not grab onto the thickets we would just bob along. Once we grab that becomes self, grasping. She said to look at the things that make us grasp, that is our anxiety, our worries, our doubts, anything that makes us scared. If we look past that we can understand why we are grasping.

I was feeling very nervous this afternoon about my surgery as it is less than 12 hours away & I am not eating. I looked at why I am scared, what I am grasping to. I am scared of dying. Like, going under and never returning, that is the worst that can happen. But then I think to myself, I am content with where I am in life, I have found a direction and if that happens then so be it, I did it right. I have let go and accepted possible outcomes, I am ready, I am happy, I am excited to get healed and take Jane Does’ knee out for a wild ride!

 

THE NUNS OF ALOKA VIHARA MONASTIC DAYLONG “IT’S CLOSER THAN YOU THINK”

I recently found this place in San Francisco called the Mindfulness Care Center. There are a number of different classes and seminars that offer guidance for meditation and mindfulness. Each week they even offer weekly guided meditation, I think this is a powerful place for a growing community.

The Sisters of Aloka were dressed in orangeish monk type garments. They sat on meditation cushions and wore a serene smile while adorning a pleasant presence that was radiating. The sisters introduced themselves and we began to meditate for 35 minutes, they then spoke about Dhamma and the power of thought, the four virtues. We then presented the food & offered it to the Nuns. This was the first time I had been apart of something like this and it was not only insightful but a calming a nurturing experience. To be surrounded by other calm individuals, practicing peace in silence but coordinating together to present a meal. Once the Sisters served themselves and sat down, we then too ate our food in a silent meal. After eating, I took the time to reflect in my journal, I wrote this.

What a wonderful experience the “Day Retreat” is. The day began with a chant, then moved into meditation for what felt like five minutes but was really 35. I have read, studied and practiced meditation and mindfulness for some time now but what has been introduced to me today brings a different level of consciousness. After the bell had chimed to pull us out of our current though the sisters explained what Dhamma is and how to maximize mediation to reach it. Focusing on the positive, elminating the negative, going outside of self for best introspection. They explained that often time we dance around particular thoughts when we medidated and that these thoughts elicit feelings that can only bring discomfort or the time being, but if we explore the reason why we are avoiding these thoughts. We need to confront them to find comfort and are able to let go. I feel in tune with myself.”

This was the most rewarding seminar I have participated in, in a long time. I am feeling prepared for my surgery.