Tag Archives: life

Through this universal Life Energy, we can connect in a positive, accepting, loving way.

This is just one of the many ideas of Virginia Satir’s Transformational Systematic Therapy. The idea of her workings to me are something I strongly believe in.I have a firm stance that at human is made of matter(body) and energy (brain) coupled with a sense of spirit. 

So why do some therapies not address the spirit, or vital energies and life forces?  As one of the only living animals on this earth that can ponder what happens after life, it makes sense to take care of this energy source while it is alive. 

Satir has an in-depth therapy system that has worked across the world and for the past 70 years. Below lists basics concepts I like to live by and hope to understand more in-depth for the benefit of my life and clients.

1. Human beings are all unique manifestations of the same Universal Life Force. Through this universal Life Energy, we can connect in a positive, accepting, loving way. 2. Human processes are universal; all human beings experience themselves through doing, thinking, feeling, expecting, yearning and spiritual connection. Therefore, these human processes can be accessed and changed regardless of different environments, cultures, and circumstances.

3. People are basically good. At their core, essential level of Life Energy, people are naturally positive. They need to find this internal treasure to connect with and validate their own self-worth.

4. People all have the internal resources they need in order to cope successfully with whatever situations life provides and to grow through them. All necessary internal resources reside within, even those that people may have learned to judge in a negative way or those that are as yet undiscovered.

5. The “problem” is not the problem; how people cope with their problem is the problem. How seriously the person experiences the problem through the meanings they make, their worries and their copings, impacts on how great a problem it becomes for them.

6. The symptom is the subconscious solution to the problem, even if it creates dysfunctional patterns. It is the result of the person’s attempt to survive the pain of their problem. Although the person’s perceived problem needs to be heard and validated, therapeutic change needs to work on wholesome solutions from the person’s Life Energy and yearnings.

7. Therapy needs to focus on health and possibilities instead of problems and pathology. Life Energy is naturally positively directional and therapy needs to tap into the natural process of human growth in a positive direction. 8. Change is always possible. Even if

8. Change is always possible. Even if external change is limited, internal change is still possible. We can learn to be consciously responsible for and decide how we will live on our insides, even when the outside cannot change.

9. We cannot change past events; we can only change the impact that the past events have had on us. It is possible to resolve impacts from the past in order to live with more positive energy and be free of old hurts, angers, fears and negative messages in the present.

10. People do the best they can at any moment in time. Even when they have done very negative or destructive things, it is the best coping that they were capable of at that moment in time and is a reflection of their level of self-worth. Therefore, there is no reason to blame them for their past failures. Helping them experience their positively directional Life Energy will help them make new choices for the present and future.

11. Feelings belong to us. We all have them and can learn to be in charge of them. We can be responsible for them and make choices about them. We can listen to the positive life message from our feelings and give ourselves the validation we need. We can choose to let go of feelings that create negative energies and events and replace them with acceptance, appreciation, forgiveness, love and peace.

12. Wholeness, growth and evolution are natural human processes and, therefore, need to be the focus of any therapeutic change. Transformational change comes from the level of Life Energy and is a part of natural human growth and evolution. It means that people are becoming more of their true, spiritual Selves rather than their reactive, survival systems.

13. The therapist’s use of Self is the greatest therapeutic tool that the therapist has to create the conditions to facilitate positively directional, transformational change. Therapists who experience their own positively directional Life Energy are able to provide clients with therapeutic relationships based on care, acceptance and new possibilities. The therapist often experiences the positive nature of the client’s Life Energy even before the client does and connects with the client at that level.

14. Hope is a significant component or ingredient for change to take place. When the therapist experiences the positive nature of the client’s true Self, hope becomes a tangible aspect of the therapeutic process and guides the way towards change.

(Aspects taken from a briefing by Dr. John Banmen, RPsych, RMFT & Kathlyne Maki-Banmen, MA, RCC)

Fear

A simple meditation for being with your fears

Sometimes high up in the forest, I find a rock to perch upon. Sometimes, I read, other times I meditate but when I want to come back to reality and lose my fears of the future; I do this.

I find the highest rock. I find an area that seems comfortable to me, I stand tall and close my eyes. I stand there until I completely forget where I am, losing time and space. Gaining a fleeting feeling as if I am hovering above the earth.

rtable to me, I stand tall and close my eyes. I stand there until I completely forget where I am, losing time and space. Gaining a fleeting feeling as if I am hovering above the earth.

All I think about is this:

Do I trust myself deeply? Decisions, actions, future, past.

I trust myself deeply, decisions, actions, future, past all happened because I trust myself deeply.

I go through this until I mean exactly what I say.
Knowing that the universe provides always. Every time I close my eyes, I know I trust myself & the universe.

What am I going through:

Lately, I have been doing this often as my path to graduate school begins very soon. I look at where this beautiful life journey has brought me. In the beginning, I was upset I did not take this journey sooner, then I feared if it would be worth the money and as the time to descend to Boulder; I can’t help but think of how I will once again be leaving a home I just created for myself. I will be out of my element, standing out as me, the girl from California among a class of 40 other students from mostly the east coast. I have not been in a classroom since I graduated in 2012 from Fresno State. I will be asked to write & then I will be critiqued on my writing. I love to write but I fear, like so many times in the past, it just won’t be good enough. Will my conservative, liberal thoughts not be accepted by my peers? Do I realllllly want to do this? When I am feeling scared, alone or just not me, I can’t hop in the car to see the people who make me feel the best. The universe always provides, ALWAYS provides what it is & exactly what you need, the faith in me for that is deep. So while these fears are so apparent, my meditation has always gotten me to let go of these fears.

So I meditate like this

Knowing that the universe provides always. Every time I close my eyes, I know I trust myself & the universe.

Mother Earth

Today I laid arms spread wide as if I was hugging the earth.

I was supposed to be doing yoga, but half way through a posture I found myself hugging the earth.

Something inside of me deeply needed this.

And as I lay holding on to this beautiful mass we walk on every day, I felt my body melting. My mind completely still I felt it, I felt the beat of the earth.

It was at that moment, my belief in Mother Earth was greatly deepened, it was as if she was hugging back.

Mother Earth has been my support she has felt every heartbreak of every living soul, she has  witnessed every birth and will all over her cores energy, she holds us down.

Today, I lay on the ground, hugging the earth and I swear I felt Mother Earths heartbeat.

Today I became more of a human than I have ever been in my life.

Today I know, I am me.

Thank you, Mother Earth.

Forgotten

Why do I feel so forgotten lately?

It reminds me of when I was younger and my Dad was supposed to pick me up on Wednesdays from school and bring me to practice. He missed three weeks in a row before I decided to find my own way.

Its this knot that builds very low inside me. Slow building a rope that rises up through my head. Eventually cutting off my senses, I become cold, insecure and weak.

It is a feeling like not knowing if tomorrow the sun will rise.

This thought is ever lasting that there is something damaged about me, something that no one wants.

So every day I fall more madly in love with myself because I will always know who and where I am. That is what meditation has taught me to do, know my truth.

At some point, I think this can be so obsessive and how can I find a love that won’t forget me if I don’t forget myself. How can I receive with no hand to give hold to in return?

But self-loving is not just loving myself it is being selfless to others.

Giving yourself to others through simple actions. Choosing not to engage, to ignore anger, and show undenying love and affection to those who are in need of it, because I have so much for myself, everyone needs it too.

When I am not self-loving I destroy myself, breakdown and become someone I hate.

We all do.

So I choose every moment, to take it(life) as it is.

To remind myself to smile because no one likes a frowny friend.

To remind myself to be selfless because that is how you receive self.

Writing this to remind myself that this is who I am.

Practicing this & repeating these actions over and over can only change my life.

Each time I practice, the gaps in my selfishness becomes less and less.

 

This will be who I am, NOT FORGOTTEN.

Some people never heal

from adoption.

A phrase I have heard often very recently. I do agree with the SOME part of the statement but something inside of me becomes angered by how it blankets a community. When people who have never been adopted speak about adoption in this way, I envision a man giving intimate details of childbirth. He has never been through it but he is able to tell you exactly how it feels and what it is like to “heal” from it.

When I was younger in my adolescence I deeply struggled with me being adopted. I felt anger and resentment, thinking the grass was always greener. As I grew older and saw my many accomplishments and opportunities that had been presented to me, I found a new way of looking at my adoption. This was around the age of 13. Generally, those who are adopted struggle the most during puberty, as the begin to more deeply understand what it is like to  possess a sex drive. This is when healing takes place the most. I worked hard to heal. I went to a therapist, I wrote often and as an adult I aspire to give others the tools my therapist instilled within me. I see myself as healed having grieved when I was an adolescent and understanding what healthy relationship dynamics look like by studying and learning about relationship styles when I began to date (age 15, dating was a huge mess for me). Yes, some who have not worked as hard as me to heal may have small issues. But don’t look at them as broken and unfixable, they just need to be given the skills to cope.

I have met people who have not yet healed, but to say they will NEVER heal, is a pretty terrible thing to say about a person. Maybe they have not wanted to heal, maybe they have not been given the tools to heal. AND MAYBE ITS NOT YOUR JUDGEMENT whether they have healed or not. Unless you are a psychologist and they are seeking your help, it is not something you should speak about.

It is an interesting phenomenon, people taking a few psychology courses, or a few hours of ted talk and all of a sudden they are able to judge others and their past. Many of the people have not done something, know themselves first, that is why they are JUDGING (not to be confused with diagnosing) others.

 

 

No Bohns About It

 

The best day of my life

The best day of my life was the day I was adopted. Sometimes, I think deeply to myself and reflect on how extremely lucky I am. Of course, my thinking on this was not always this way and it took me much work to understand the magnitude of gratitude I could hold for this simple act.

Around the age of 13, I really started to wonder what it would be like if my parents did not adopt me. I just did not want to be at home, I thought my birth parents had a fairytale life, much better for me. Many 13-year-olds go through this stage, especially if there are other conflicts in the home, however for adopted children this can be magnified on a much larger scale. There are actually two real people out there with actual lives. Luckily for me, my parents had always allowed me to have contact with them which helped me to understand this home is my home. I knew my birth mother was not able to keep me because she was in school, but it angered me that she had a child a year and a half after. It was a hard pill to swallow and I questioned if it was because I was brown.

I then went to college and completely understood that what she is probably the hardest thing college student could do. I even spoke to my birthmother about this when I was in college. I asked her what I should do. She told she had six abortions before having me. My life may haven’t been, I am grateful. I then put myself in her shoes, a 23-year-old, living on their own, studying and constantly surrounded by partying. She carried me for 9 months with her head held high. She was not married, she was not dating the father of the child and she was going to school. I couldn’t imagine myself doing this, life is precious.

I couldn’t imagine myself doing what she did, life is precious. She deeply knew that and honored the world by bringing me into life.

I healed experiencing college and being able to put myself in her shoes.

I heal every day I look around me surrounded by the beauty of life.

I heal when I look at my life and see all the accomplishments, places, and opportunities that have been presented to me.

I heal knowing that I have defied many odds.

We as humans are not perfect, but we have the ability to heal.

Its all perspective​.

No Bohns About It

Unbound from societies constructs, I set my spirit free.

“In the most ordinary terms, egolessness is a flexible identity. It manifests as inquisitiveness, as adaptability as humor, as playfulness. It is our capacity to relax with not knowing, not figuring everything out, with not being at all sure about who we are, or who anyone else is, either. Every moment is unique, unknown, completely fresh. For a warrior-in-training egolessness is a cause of joy rather than a cause of fear.”

This statement by Pema could not be truer. For the longest time, I had a strong fear of being poor. After graduating university, I was not allowed back home and quickly joined the workforce. I did not want to starve and had to prove to my family I was capable of anything. Finding success made me feel good only temporarily, no one ever expected me to survive yet alone thrive in Orange County, but I did. Deep inside I knew this was not who I wanted to be, I thought moving around would be the cure, but the fear of being irrelevant continued to bight me.

One day I sat down with myself if I genuinely wanted to be happy I needed to follow my true path exactly. I needed to give out this act of security and carry out my truest intention.

I left my well paying corporate job to dive thousands of dollars into “creative debt” (thank you Kanye for the term)ollow my passion for helping others, to finally begin to attain my license to become a therapist. I left my corporate job which allowed me to pay my rent in San Francisco to become a yoga teacher. I left my corporate job which allowed me to buy material things that made me appear to be successful to clean houses in Tahoe for the summer before school.

I left my well paying job so that my heart could actually smile because it was living its authentic path. I left my lucrative career so my spirit could live to its highest potential.

There is no fear inside of me only joy for what is to come. To some, this is an odd way to think and people ask “how will you survive?”. I laugh because I know myself. Never turning down work that is given to me is how I live and if that is the only exclamation a person can give when you tell them you are following your soul’s path, its obvious to me there need to be more spirits in this world set free.

I breathe.

We are so confined by society and what we should do or be. Why? Why have we struggled with this?

I believe that the day I decided that my spirit was worth more than cookies cut from societies stone cake was the day I set myself free.

If I want to light my own candle, bake my own cake and sing my own song, I must listen to myself exactly and live exactly according to my voice and rejoice in its perfect song.

Go for a walk

The other day at yoga school, I decided to go outside and take a walk in the beautiful sunshine. I passed by this home when I saw this beautiful bed of flowers, my heart flourished. As I admired the flowers, I heard birds signing and children playing. It had been so long that I had walked alone, without distraction of my phone, friends or thoughts that I found this clarity.

My heart smiled at me. I truly had missed this.

This is life.

When I returned to the studio, it was difficult for another student to imagine a day with out television. To me an hour of television is an hour of not thinking.

I thought, this is dieing.

My heart cringed for his, thinking of the happiness the outdoors could bring him.

Someday, it will happen.1.jpg

Family

Yes, the ones who drive you up the walls crazy. When you have that feeling of them making you nuts, I have learned, that its love. Family, each of us has our quirks but we come together to spend with one another and celebrate a beautiful life we have each created.

This past weekend, everything I had missed while leaving in other parts of California was right before me. My family celebrating life for no real reason except for a religious holiday none of actually identify with. We spent the whole day catching up with one another. My beautiful cousins who are more life sisters at this point are struggling to make their next step in life. Their mother & my aunt a wonderful perfectionist seemed to be more worried than them was present, along with my mother, her boyfriend, my father and sister. What a site it was.

Each of us with our own quirks, in one house together drinking and having a good laugh. This moment I never once imagined. We have been through so much, each and everyone one of us. We were all together, smiling and having fun.

Later that evening I had an intense feeling of belonging. Yes, this is my family and I belong with them, I know this.

But sometimes you are distracted by outside things, like work, boyfriends, friends or even because of alcohol. I have found myself in the past unable to connect with my family because of these stressors. I think I am at this point out of maturity, and something that is odd for me to say. I have always thought I was mature, that in fact was much a lie I told myself.

I feel as if I have started over from scratch. I can now approach my family with a smile on my face. I have no significant other but if I did, he would not take away from my family time. If I drank, I would not drink to the point of being sick, because enjoying my family is that important to me. Finally, if your work is so stressful where you cannot enjoy your family time, run- run as fast as you can from that company & find a new passion. I know I did.

A day in the life.

A day in the life a life that was adopted.

My life is just like your life; however I may be more grateful for my life than many others.

This gratitude was not something that was easily found and something I struggled with through out my childhood and an area of anger, confusion and frustration.  It is not every day that I was reminded of where I came from, only when something happened when that I thought was unfair. Or when my body developed completely different from my older sisters. Any major life event, like my first homecoming, graduation & birthdays. Or anytime I was happy or complacent, I thought of my sisters and my birth family that could have. I spent my childhood in perpetual bouts of happiness and resentment.

But those thoughts have greatly transformed to gratitude.

My life was an option, I could have very well been terminated.

I choose to be thankful for my life.

For many years I have taken my life for granted, smoking cigarettes, taking drugs, getting piss drunk and defiling my body by giving it away to men who I would never see again.

I almost did not have a life.

I almost did not get to go to one of the best public schools in the nation.

I almost did not get to go to college.

I almost did not have enough lacrosse training to play at a division 1 level.

I almost did not have the opportunity to achieve my highest potential.

I almost did not live my life.

If I almost did not have a life, I need to be grateful for it. I need to take it for the beauty that it is. So I have chosen and learned to live with intent. I think of my birth family with great gratitude and love. I cherish them deeply, they are my motivation for everything I want to achieve. I want to thank and honor my birth mother, every second, every moment for every breath I take. I do that by living more mindfuly, be embracing the present moment, understanding that my body is truly a temple.

If we look at each of our lives, adopted or not, we all have a reason to to live with gratitude. WE ARE ALIVE.

You birth mother are the reason I can say thank you, and mean it. For always and ever. 

Life: live it.

No Bohns About It

Nervousness.

It has been a belief of mine that nerves are disguised as excitement. Before competing, before interviews, before anything I am anticipating: EXCITEMENT. This is what I tell myself,  I never think of failure. It has never been an option. See there is no failing, only an opportunity to learn. But lately, this isn’t true. I am scared shitless, I am nervous.

See, I have spent the past 9 months living in San Francisco, close to my family & surrounded by people I truly have made deep connections with. Finally, I am surrounding myself with wonderful people who foster beauty in every aspect of my life. There are so many wonderful people that want to be friends with me!

So everything I have been building, my strong wholesome root. My career, my family, my friends; will all change if I am to go to graduate school at Naropa. This scares me, my root chakra feels as if it will break. I take each moment I have here with great gratitude, hoping to make the most out of each moment.

I am nervous, my interview for Naropa is next Saturday. I really can’t remember my essay, what transformation is or what mindfulness really truly means. For the first time, I am going to be questioned about my knowledge of Mindful thinking in a professional environment. I will be tasked with talking to other peers about my knowledge of Mindfulness. I have never done this before. I am nervous because I don’t know what will happen.

As I write this, I sit here and thinking  I shoudl be excited. I am excited, excited for a new endeavor. A chance to learn, a chance to grow, a chance to pursue a dream.

If I continue to live my life with love and embody my intention, when I leave to pursue my true intention, I will feel no qualms. It will be fine, becuase I will be where I need to be.

 

 

Seva Project: Valentines Day

I am so grateful for stumbling upon Purusha Yoga Studio and Life Center. Not only do they offer yoga but social events as well. Last night my roommate Kerry & I attended partners yoga & a party at the studio after.

I have never partner meditated before but I learned a lot about myself & my insecurities. Even though it was just Kerry across from me, looking into my face, I could not help but become shy and giggle. Keeping my face relaxed while peering into hers, I felt as if she wanted me to look away. If I am to do this again, I need to remember to hold strong to my true self. Just like in life when you are with a partner, being you, self and holding on to your true values is the most important. Becoming a reflection of the other will merely break you.

I think about the times where I have dated men, I stopped going to yoga, I didn’t see my friends or make new friends, I simply lived their life. This I have learned will not work. I believe I am here right now without my life partner to understand who I am perfectly.So that some day when he does arrive into my life, I will not lose myself and my intention in life, he will give me the support and understanding I need to accomplish it and likewise.

 

After a few exercise, we ate food, chatted with friends and spoke with Lucia; the fortune teller. She offered me much wisdom and insight as to where I am going, it was eye opening. She expressed that I must have been a ballet dancer in my former life, I know this to be true. Even when I was younger, I was called big bird when I danced, but moving and imagining I was twirling on stage has always made my heart flutter with joy. My best childhood friend taught me a number of ballet turns, and I still now find myself spinning when I am happy, sad or just feel like it. She then told me that I haven’t been dancing enough lately  and that my spirit is being regimented, that I know is a truth as well.

The lat time I danced in the sun was in September, that is no way to let your soul live.

She expressed that my angels are there for me and all I need to do is to ask for their guidance, I most definitely will!

After meeting with Lucia I won a raffle for a private yoga lesson with Stephani who teaches Hatha, basically I want to be the mini me of her, so that was awesome :D.

This night my intentions were to grow love, in all aspects of my life. I am working on this. My intention of the year is to grow, I guess what I often ponder is what I want to grow into? This morning I came to the realization, I need to grow into myself.

How far did the apple roll from the tree?

It rolled as far as it could

Then it got stuck in a rut

The apple turned to mush

The seeds were sewn into the ground

The sprouts grew roots

The roots grew strong

The baby tree sprung up

The tree grew strong; halfway between the sun and the giving seed tree

When it was cold it found warmth in the sun

When it was windy it leaned on the giving seed tree

From the warmth of the sun and the strength of the giving tree, the tree grew deep roots and strong limbs

Now the tree has grown so tall and so wise to the weather it can see the sun and the giving tree from above

When the weather gets rough the tree stands tall knowing exactly who it is & where it came from

The tree finds comfort deep within its roots through any weather, the same roots that were created by both the warmth of the sun and the gift of life of giving tree.

By Alexandria Zachariades

Sexual responsibility.

I am seriously exhausted of talking to women my own age who are sexually irresponsible.  Maybe it is just something about the San Francisco lifestyle or the fact that the people I am hanging around don’t care enough about themselves. But too many of my sexually active friends are not utilizing contraceptive.

Two friends of mine have told me they think they are pregnant and need to get tested, they have told me this almost since I met them 5 months ago. I ask them if they are on the pill, they say no. Month by month this is a regularly occurring issue. I am tired of giving you GIRLS sympathy. I have told you my story. The one where my birth mother has 4 abortions before finally deciding to keep and put my life up for adoption (bless her soul).

My how these two things have made me responsible for my sexual protection. It has made me buy and carry condoms on dates. It has made me take birth control every day for 5 years. When people continuously tell me they think they are pregnant, I always tell them to get on the pill. I tell them my story and ask them what they would do if they were pregnant. And still nothing changes them.

I’m tired of it. I am tired of my generation asking for sympathy or concern. Holding potential life in you is not something to broadcast to others. Your scared, I get it. But your not actually listening to the people who are trying to help you. Because if you were, you wouldn’t be worrying. You would have gone to planned parenthood, or your doctor and gotten a prescription for birth control.

No more sympathy to the GIRLS who wonder if they are pregnant every month. Change your life, become a WOMEN.

The truth about liars.

We are all one. In one way or another, we all have our tiny little lies. Lies we tell ourselves for comfort. Lies we tell others to protect ourselves. Lies; they are nothing but acts of selfishness.

I have a knack for smelling others bullshit. Maybe it was the fact that my parents lied to me often as a child or my background in psychology. I often don’t react to others lies, instead, I become more intrigued. I look into why the person is lying, what are they protecting themselves from?

I try my hardest to be honest with myself in others. Sometimes it is challenging and the tact and poise of honesty can be hard. However, if you live your life in a manner that is true to yourself, lies become particles of the past.

When others lie to me, I care for those people more deeply. They probably think they are pulling one over me, and that is okay. My father often says “totelos” greek for in the end. In the end, we all get what we deserve. If they would like to take advantage of me in some way, go ahead. I know my compassion and love will show them that there is no need to lie.

My patience for liars is great. Liars are the ones that need the most love.