Tag Archives: intention

Fear

A simple meditation for being with your fears

Sometimes high up in the forest, I find a rock to perch upon. Sometimes, I read, other times I meditate but when I want to come back to reality and lose my fears of the future; I do this.

I find the highest rock. I find an area that seems comfortable to me, I stand tall and close my eyes. I stand there until I completely forget where I am, losing time and space. Gaining a fleeting feeling as if I am hovering above the earth.

rtable to me, I stand tall and close my eyes. I stand there until I completely forget where I am, losing time and space. Gaining a fleeting feeling as if I am hovering above the earth.

All I think about is this:

Do I trust myself deeply? Decisions, actions, future, past.

I trust myself deeply, decisions, actions, future, past all happened because I trust myself deeply.

I go through this until I mean exactly what I say.
Knowing that the universe provides always. Every time I close my eyes, I know I trust myself & the universe.

What am I going through:

Lately, I have been doing this often as my path to graduate school begins very soon. I look at where this beautiful life journey has brought me. In the beginning, I was upset I did not take this journey sooner, then I feared if it would be worth the money and as the time to descend to Boulder; I can’t help but think of how I will once again be leaving a home I just created for myself. I will be out of my element, standing out as me, the girl from California among a class of 40 other students from mostly the east coast. I have not been in a classroom since I graduated in 2012 from Fresno State. I will be asked to write & then I will be critiqued on my writing. I love to write but I fear, like so many times in the past, it just won’t be good enough. Will my conservative, liberal thoughts not be accepted by my peers? Do I realllllly want to do this? When I am feeling scared, alone or just not me, I can’t hop in the car to see the people who make me feel the best. The universe always provides, ALWAYS provides what it is & exactly what you need, the faith in me for that is deep. So while these fears are so apparent, my meditation has always gotten me to let go of these fears.

So I meditate like this

Knowing that the universe provides always. Every time I close my eyes, I know I trust myself & the universe.

Why yoga?

Why yoga?

Why yoga?

Why yoga?

This took me a while to contemplate because there are so many reasons why!

Because I don’t think I ever knew who I truly was. I started yoga as a way to clear my mind after I first started my 7:30 AM – 6:00 PM job (who willingly does that to themselves?) and had recently been diagnosed with Hashimoto’s. I read an article online that Bikram Yoga could rebalance my hormones, so I bought my first Groupon and was on my way. I did 20 out of the 30 days of class and saw my life radically transform, after staring at myself half naked in a hot room full of 40 other people, I started to see my body for what it is. I was able to concentrate more and my depressive habits began to subside. As I deepened my practice going from studio to studio throughout California I noticed that I no longer felt the need to drink heavily in social situations and could actually articulate my thoughts with confidence. I no longer found the need to get stoned or chain smoke when I was anxious I just met the mat.

When I finally did my 200-hour teacher training at Purusha, I learned about the Siddhis and how yoga can cleanse you of the siddhis. Yoga cleansed my life without me even knowing it. I HAD TO WHOLEHEARTEDLY BELIEVE THAT YOGA SAVED ME. Through yoga, I not only found my voice but discovered exactly who I am and what I am meant to be. That’s why yoga.

That’s why; yoga.

Yoga chose me, I did not choose yoga.

Seva Project: Valentines Day

I am so grateful for stumbling upon Purusha Yoga Studio and Life Center. Not only do they offer yoga but social events as well. Last night my roommate Kerry & I attended partners yoga & a party at the studio after.

I have never partner meditated before but I learned a lot about myself & my insecurities. Even though it was just Kerry across from me, looking into my face, I could not help but become shy and giggle. Keeping my face relaxed while peering into hers, I felt as if she wanted me to look away. If I am to do this again, I need to remember to hold strong to my true self. Just like in life when you are with a partner, being you, self and holding on to your true values is the most important. Becoming a reflection of the other will merely break you.

I think about the times where I have dated men, I stopped going to yoga, I didn’t see my friends or make new friends, I simply lived their life. This I have learned will not work. I believe I am here right now without my life partner to understand who I am perfectly.So that some day when he does arrive into my life, I will not lose myself and my intention in life, he will give me the support and understanding I need to accomplish it and likewise.

 

After a few exercise, we ate food, chatted with friends and spoke with Lucia; the fortune teller. She offered me much wisdom and insight as to where I am going, it was eye opening. She expressed that I must have been a ballet dancer in my former life, I know this to be true. Even when I was younger, I was called big bird when I danced, but moving and imagining I was twirling on stage has always made my heart flutter with joy. My best childhood friend taught me a number of ballet turns, and I still now find myself spinning when I am happy, sad or just feel like it. She then told me that I haven’t been dancing enough lately  and that my spirit is being regimented, that I know is a truth as well.

The lat time I danced in the sun was in September, that is no way to let your soul live.

She expressed that my angels are there for me and all I need to do is to ask for their guidance, I most definitely will!

After meeting with Lucia I won a raffle for a private yoga lesson with Stephani who teaches Hatha, basically I want to be the mini me of her, so that was awesome :D.

This night my intentions were to grow love, in all aspects of my life. I am working on this. My intention of the year is to grow, I guess what I often ponder is what I want to grow into? This morning I came to the realization, I need to grow into myself.