Tag Archives: inspiration

Fear

A simple meditation for being with your fears

Sometimes high up in the forest, I find a rock to perch upon. Sometimes, I read, other times I meditate but when I want to come back to reality and lose my fears of the future; I do this.

I find the highest rock. I find an area that seems comfortable to me, I stand tall and close my eyes. I stand there until I completely forget where I am, losing time and space. Gaining a fleeting feeling as if I am hovering above the earth.

rtable to me, I stand tall and close my eyes. I stand there until I completely forget where I am, losing time and space. Gaining a fleeting feeling as if I am hovering above the earth.

All I think about is this:

Do I trust myself deeply? Decisions, actions, future, past.

I trust myself deeply, decisions, actions, future, past all happened because I trust myself deeply.

I go through this until I mean exactly what I say.
Knowing that the universe provides always. Every time I close my eyes, I know I trust myself & the universe.

What am I going through:

Lately, I have been doing this often as my path to graduate school begins very soon. I look at where this beautiful life journey has brought me. In the beginning, I was upset I did not take this journey sooner, then I feared if it would be worth the money and as the time to descend to Boulder; I can’t help but think of how I will once again be leaving a home I just created for myself. I will be out of my element, standing out as me, the girl from California among a class of 40 other students from mostly the east coast. I have not been in a classroom since I graduated in 2012 from Fresno State. I will be asked to write & then I will be critiqued on my writing. I love to write but I fear, like so many times in the past, it just won’t be good enough. Will my conservative, liberal thoughts not be accepted by my peers? Do I realllllly want to do this? When I am feeling scared, alone or just not me, I can’t hop in the car to see the people who make me feel the best. The universe always provides, ALWAYS provides what it is & exactly what you need, the faith in me for that is deep. So while these fears are so apparent, my meditation has always gotten me to let go of these fears.

So I meditate like this

Knowing that the universe provides always. Every time I close my eyes, I know I trust myself & the universe.

Why yoga?

Why yoga?

Why yoga?

Why yoga?

This took me a while to contemplate because there are so many reasons why!

Because I don’t think I ever knew who I truly was. I started yoga as a way to clear my mind after I first started my 7:30 AM – 6:00 PM job (who willingly does that to themselves?) and had recently been diagnosed with Hashimoto’s. I read an article online that Bikram Yoga could rebalance my hormones, so I bought my first Groupon and was on my way. I did 20 out of the 30 days of class and saw my life radically transform, after staring at myself half naked in a hot room full of 40 other people, I started to see my body for what it is. I was able to concentrate more and my depressive habits began to subside. As I deepened my practice going from studio to studio throughout California I noticed that I no longer felt the need to drink heavily in social situations and could actually articulate my thoughts with confidence. I no longer found the need to get stoned or chain smoke when I was anxious I just met the mat.

When I finally did my 200-hour teacher training at Purusha, I learned about the Siddhis and how yoga can cleanse you of the siddhis. Yoga cleansed my life without me even knowing it. I HAD TO WHOLEHEARTEDLY BELIEVE THAT YOGA SAVED ME. Through yoga, I not only found my voice but discovered exactly who I am and what I am meant to be. That’s why yoga.

That’s why; yoga.

Yoga chose me, I did not choose yoga.

21 days of meditation – How I shine my light

There are many different ways to devote yourself to living. In my experience I there are so many different beliefs and to me, none of them are wrong. My life is a culmination of various religion, I have thirst; to connect with the unknown and  so I continue to create myself into a devoted human to the earth through various tools. I am a spiritual person who wishes to engage and learn about the various thoughts and beliefs to construct my own.

So on my path of becoming a better person for this world, I have decided to meditate on the 21 meditations of  the Buddha dharma. There are many principles which fall into the Buddhist construct such as Samsara, the fact that the mind is endless (karma/reincarnation) and that our thoughts can be controlled by ourselves.

In the Buddhist belief, this will bring me from an ordinary small being to that of a special small being and then a middling beings a great being and then an enlightened being. “These 21 meditation’s is the actual method for making this progress”(The New Mediation Handbook).

By doing so I hope to increase my personal vitality, to emanate happiness and finding calming peace inside of me. Each day I will recite a prayer to protect and connect me with higher senses, I will then read a contemplation and begin my meditation.

I invite you to follow along my journey of enlightenment by following along!

The best day of my life

The best day of my life was the day I was adopted. Sometimes, I think deeply to myself and reflect on how extremely lucky I am. Of course, my thinking on this was not always this way and it took me much work to understand the magnitude of gratitude I could hold for this simple act.

Around the age of 13, I really started to wonder what it would be like if my parents did not adopt me. I just did not want to be at home, I thought my birth parents had a fairytale life, much better for me. Many 13-year-olds go through this stage, especially if there are other conflicts in the home, however for adopted children this can be magnified on a much larger scale. There are actually two real people out there with actual lives. Luckily for me, my parents had always allowed me to have contact with them which helped me to understand this home is my home. I knew my birth mother was not able to keep me because she was in school, but it angered me that she had a child a year and a half after. It was a hard pill to swallow and I questioned if it was because I was brown.

I then went to college and completely understood that what she is probably the hardest thing college student could do. I even spoke to my birthmother about this when I was in college. I asked her what I should do. She told she had six abortions before having me. My life may haven’t been, I am grateful. I then put myself in her shoes, a 23-year-old, living on their own, studying and constantly surrounded by partying. She carried me for 9 months with her head held high. She was not married, she was not dating the father of the child and she was going to school. I couldn’t imagine myself doing this, life is precious.

I couldn’t imagine myself doing what she did, life is precious. She deeply knew that and honored the world by bringing me into life.

I healed experiencing college and being able to put myself in her shoes.

I heal every day I look around me surrounded by the beauty of life.

I heal when I look at my life and see all the accomplishments, places, and opportunities that have been presented to me.

I heal knowing that I have defied many odds.

We as humans are not perfect, but we have the ability to heal.

Its all perspective​.

No Bohns About It

Go for a walk

The other day at yoga school, I decided to go outside and take a walk in the beautiful sunshine. I passed by this home when I saw this beautiful bed of flowers, my heart flourished. As I admired the flowers, I heard birds signing and children playing. It had been so long that I had walked alone, without distraction of my phone, friends or thoughts that I found this clarity.

My heart smiled at me. I truly had missed this.

This is life.

When I returned to the studio, it was difficult for another student to imagine a day with out television. To me an hour of television is an hour of not thinking.

I thought, this is dieing.

My heart cringed for his, thinking of the happiness the outdoors could bring him.

Someday, it will happen.1.jpg

DOING yoga or PRACTICING yoga?

Lately, I have been doing a lot of studying around Buddhism, mindfulness, and  yoga. Yes, people say all the time “I am a yogi”. I am sure you yoga a lot, but are you a practitioner of yoga? As someone who did a lot of yoga at one point in my life and still do, I was DOING yoga I was not practicing it. There is a difference here. Doing yoga, you are going through the movements, you are being mindful of your movements and you are moving your body. Usually, your life will change in some way or another. You will feel healthier, be more relaxed and love a little more.

If you are to practice yoga, it encompasses your entire life. You core values will shift as you learn the niyamas and yamas more deeply. Your outlook on parts of the world will change as you understanding the makeup of kosha’s. And finally intimately exploring ourself and others through the chakras (coming from a psychology background, I love this).  This to me is practicing yoga. Making it not just a workout but a way of life and belief system.

We can all DO yoga and it’s great if you do, just one mindful moment can have great ripples throughout the universe. But to make yoga a practice, a lifestyle is truly an awesome transformation that could lead to greater good in your life. I think any strong practice, whether it’s yoga, smoking, running, heavy drinking, dancing, cussing or reading the bible, can all give your life a jolt, good-bad, positive-not positive, devoted practice will change your life and lifestyle.

I chose to live devoutly mindfully, to practice yoga all day every day, that’s pretty cool to me.

What is luck actually?

Working each day with people who are looking for jobs is an interesting experience, you meet every type of person and assist them in an otherwise stressful life event.

Some people manage the stress fine and others refer to you as their personal counselor; these are the candidates I love. This week a recent graduate who I have been assisting has been interviewing for some time now. He has yet to land a job, but holds a great technical skill set and personable. He was frustrated and said he just doesn’t have good luck.

It got me thinking, is it really luck? Or has he been making his job search a full-time job? Has be been working hard enough to attain his goal? What has he been doing extra to better himself? I am wondering because I simply have not used the word luck in so long. As if when he said the words, dust was being blown off of my heart. It brought me back to church Bingo with my Grandmother; my epic wins were straight luck.

I believe that we create our own luck through hard work and devotion. Day in and day out we do things, be it; necessary, extraordinary or nothing at all. If we continue to strive for things, making yourself better each day, then we will need no such thing as luck, for what we are striving for is easily attainable.

See, I meditate, a lot.

It took me a long time to get here. I struggle with a long family history of mental disorders and have overcome anxiety and depression. It took hard work to grow a quiet mind and inner peace, each day I work to achieve it. Some days silencing my mind is easier than others, but each day my mission is clear, be better for myself.

I set out my goals. to become a yoga teacher. So I create a devout practice, I work hard to make extra money to pay for my teacher training. I spend every other weekend at class for 200 hours. I apply myself, I study, I become a yoga teacher. Because I imagined it, I thought about it, I committed to it, I acted on it and I stayed true to my path.

I don’t see where there is luck in this.

“Luck is what you make it”- Luck is made, through your own practice and devotion.

2016 – The year of the Mokey

Every year I attempt to set my goals, I usually scribble it down in my journal and put it away until the following year. It is a gift to myself that I give each year after Christmas has ended. I take the time to reflect on where I was last year, what I envisioned my life to be, what I accomplished and what I aspire for the next year.

As a “millennial” I have been told that my generation is the generation to constantly change, pivot careers and overall to appear to be unreliable in the business world. I think were misunderstood. We are the generation that refuses to be miserable, were not going to work an 8-6 job for a salary that gets us nowhere and little promotion. Maybe I am speaking for an entire generation, or maybe I am speaking for myself. I am tired of sitting behind a desk tinkering on a computer all day, life is meant to be so much more than that. I know that working in a cubicle and wearing a suit was a childhood dream. I think it’s because my parents worked in the education system and I thought that if I wore a suit I would be rich. I have money, but my life is less than rich.

I want to leave all stones unturned in my life. I don’t want to say, “oh I have always wanted to do that”. I want to say, “oh, what a memory it was”. I want my work to embody my lifestyle. I am not a selfish person, I am not greedy or manipulative. If I spend 40 hours per week with others, I want the people I am surrounding myself with to have similar ideas and beliefs or at least, be open to learning new things. I have contemplated for hours about what I should do to achieve an authenticated life and 2016 is the year I am going to do it.

Goals:

  1. Apply to Naropa University’s graduate program
  2. Get an interview at Naropa University
  3. Get into Naropa University Graduate Program – Fall 2016
  4. Get my 200 Yoga Teacher Training Certification from Parusha Yoga
  5. Attain a job at either a. Career Center at Naropa with a scholarship, b. RiseSmart or Cielo
  6. Move to somewhere beautiful
    1. If I get into Naropa, then it will be Boulder.
    2. If not Tahoe, Mammoth, Boulder, someplace awesome where I can be outside.
  7. Strengthen my yoga practice
  8. Attain a deeper understanding of holistic medicine
    1. Spread the knowledge of it
  9. Recover my surgery knee to 100%
  10. Get back into skiing
  11. get back into skateboarding
  12. Get back into downhill biking
  13. Become more thankful – once a day write or reflect one good thing I am thankful for
  14. go camping
  15. go on a road trip
  16. Go raving with Knarly
  17. Continue to grow my relationship with my family
  18. Be open to finding love -Monkey year is my year for love ❤
  19. Attend Wonderlust with my Mother
  20. Attend a festival with my Sister
  21. Catch a fish
  22. Read at least 4 books
  23. Read at least 30 minutes per week night
  24. Do at least 6 Bikram double days
  25. Participate in 2 30 day Yoga Challenges
  26. Stay sober from Alcohol for 1 year
  27. 3 morning workouts per week
  28. LONG TERM
    1. Launch a company for spreading holistic medicine
    2. Own my own property
    3. Have a garden to grow my own tea
    4. Get married to a soulmate
    5. have children
    6. Travel to every continent
    7. See the Northern Lights
    8. Be happy.
    9. Spread positivity
    10. Spread knowledge

NOTE TO SELF: Just make sure your “work” is your passion. If your work is your passion, then you are merely passionate soul.