Tag Archives: buddha

Fear

A simple meditation for being with your fears

Sometimes high up in the forest, I find a rock to perch upon. Sometimes, I read, other times I meditate but when I want to come back to reality and lose my fears of the future; I do this.

I find the highest rock. I find an area that seems comfortable to me, I stand tall and close my eyes. I stand there until I completely forget where I am, losing time and space. Gaining a fleeting feeling as if I am hovering above the earth.

rtable to me, I stand tall and close my eyes. I stand there until I completely forget where I am, losing time and space. Gaining a fleeting feeling as if I am hovering above the earth.

All I think about is this:

Do I trust myself deeply? Decisions, actions, future, past.

I trust myself deeply, decisions, actions, future, past all happened because I trust myself deeply.

I go through this until I mean exactly what I say.
Knowing that the universe provides always. Every time I close my eyes, I know I trust myself & the universe.

What am I going through:

Lately, I have been doing this often as my path to graduate school begins very soon. I look at where this beautiful life journey has brought me. In the beginning, I was upset I did not take this journey sooner, then I feared if it would be worth the money and as the time to descend to Boulder; I can’t help but think of how I will once again be leaving a home I just created for myself. I will be out of my element, standing out as me, the girl from California among a class of 40 other students from mostly the east coast. I have not been in a classroom since I graduated in 2012 from Fresno State. I will be asked to write & then I will be critiqued on my writing. I love to write but I fear, like so many times in the past, it just won’t be good enough. Will my conservative, liberal thoughts not be accepted by my peers? Do I realllllly want to do this? When I am feeling scared, alone or just not me, I can’t hop in the car to see the people who make me feel the best. The universe always provides, ALWAYS provides what it is & exactly what you need, the faith in me for that is deep. So while these fears are so apparent, my meditation has always gotten me to let go of these fears.

So I meditate like this

Knowing that the universe provides always. Every time I close my eyes, I know I trust myself & the universe.

Why yoga?

Why yoga?

Why yoga?

Why yoga?

This took me a while to contemplate because there are so many reasons why!

Because I don’t think I ever knew who I truly was. I started yoga as a way to clear my mind after I first started my 7:30 AM – 6:00 PM job (who willingly does that to themselves?) and had recently been diagnosed with Hashimoto’s. I read an article online that Bikram Yoga could rebalance my hormones, so I bought my first Groupon and was on my way. I did 20 out of the 30 days of class and saw my life radically transform, after staring at myself half naked in a hot room full of 40 other people, I started to see my body for what it is. I was able to concentrate more and my depressive habits began to subside. As I deepened my practice going from studio to studio throughout California I noticed that I no longer felt the need to drink heavily in social situations and could actually articulate my thoughts with confidence. I no longer found the need to get stoned or chain smoke when I was anxious I just met the mat.

When I finally did my 200-hour teacher training at Purusha, I learned about the Siddhis and how yoga can cleanse you of the siddhis. Yoga cleansed my life without me even knowing it. I HAD TO WHOLEHEARTEDLY BELIEVE THAT YOGA SAVED ME. Through yoga, I not only found my voice but discovered exactly who I am and what I am meant to be. That’s why yoga.

That’s why; yoga.

Yoga chose me, I did not choose yoga.

Meditation 4- Refuge Practice

Going for refuge 

I and all sentient beings, until we achieve enlightenment,

Go for refuge to Buddha, Dharma and Sangha.

The following meditation is from The New Meditation Handbook, by Geshe Kelsang Gyatso

4. REFUGE PRACTICE

Purpose: To enable us to attain permanent liberation from lower rebirth

Through receiving Buddha’s blessings and help from the Sangha, I shall accomplish profound Dharma realizations. Through this, I shall attain permanent liberation from lower rebirth.

Make the strong determination: “I must rely upon Buddha, Dharma, and Sangha as my ultimate refuge.”

Reflection:

It is hard for me to have such a strong determination. Deep inside of me I do not admit that there is a higher one power that can save me from all my mistakes. There is something higher that I seek a relationship with, we all have our person, Jesus, Buddha or the knowledge of the seed of life. So I begin to re-rationalize what this may actually mean to me. I do seek refuge in Buddha, that is what meditation is. Deep inside meditation I speak with my true self, my true self-speaks through me. The more I meditate, the more likely I am able to reach my true self for longer and longer periods of time throughout my daily life. I become more intentional. Buddha is just a man assisting me to seek refuge in my love for universal knowledge.

I am a devout human to the earth.

This phrase of relying on Buddha (the one), Dharma (acts of divinity) and Sangha (assistants of Buddha); is hard for me to swallow. I rely on me, my divine soul. To be tethered to one thought that this one celestial being will save me from living in a lower house, I am lost.

But I remember, I am a devout human to the earth and universe.

I will seek refuge in beliefs in something higher than me. My soul, your soul, our soul, that is what Buddha is right?

If I am a devout human to this earth, Buddha, Dharma and his buddies Sangha will assist me in attaining dharma realizations.

One like this: I am a devout human to the earth, universe, and universes unknown.

Meditation 2 – Death and Impermanence

Prior to beginning this contemplation for meditation, I followed my breath, unchanged, just experiencing what it was like to be alive. In my mind I repeated this:

My breath is life

Everything I project comes to light

My inhale is precious

My exhale is precious

My intake of the world, energies, and beings around me are equally as important as the breath I exhale, the thoughts I project and the actions I create.

I then began the following meditation

The following meditation is from The New Meditation Handbook, by Geshe Kelsang Gyatso

2. DEATH AND IMPERMANENCE

Purpose: To eliminate the laziness of attachment, the main obstacle to practicing Dharma purely.

I shall definitely die. There is no way to prevent my body from finally decaying. Day by day, moment by moment, my life is slipping away. I have no idea when I shall die; the time of death is completely uncertain. Many young people die before their parents, some die the moment they are born – there is no certainty in this world. Furthermore, there are many causes of untimely death. The lives of many strong and healthy people are destroyed by accidents. There is no guarantee I shall not die today.

Repeat: “I may die today. I may die today. I may die today.”
Conclusion and determination: “Since I shall soon have to depart from this world, there is no sense in my becoming attached to the things of this life. Instead, I will devote my whole life to the practice of Dharma.”

Reflection:

If we lose attachment to the things we find pleasure in, what is the point of living? This part of Buddhism I find very hard to see the light in. In the Buddhist tradition, we wait are whole life to die, releasing from the attachment of life and its pleasures only makes our death more painless.

Every aspect of life I love deeply. From tragic childhood experiences to dancing to my favorite songs with friends, life is precious. I choose to acknowledge life, that each day I live may be my last. I choose to acknowledge that if today were my last, I lived it according to my inner desire. I make each decision of this waking life knowing that today may be my last, and if this is fact, I am doing everything I can to live in a way that would make my soul dance.

Not every day of my life did I see this way. My thoughts, desires, and actions were clouded. I was young but that is no excuse. I would waiver over being good to myself and soul and tragically depleting it of all its worth. But what was the point of being so perfect all the time? I’m here to live not wait for death.

I can live more fully when I am conscious of every moment, action and decision.

So as I grow into DEATH each day I choose to DIE gracefully and with honor and respect to my eternal soul.

So as I grow into LIFE each day I choose to LIVE gracefully and with honor and respect to my eternal soul.

After this meditation and reflection, I spoke with a family friend of mine. She said a great way to remember this fact was by each time you blow out a candle, think “this is my last breath”.  Yes, this would be my mantra for the rest of the day.

21 days of meditation – How I shine my light

There are many different ways to devote yourself to living. In my experience I there are so many different beliefs and to me, none of them are wrong. My life is a culmination of various religion, I have thirst; to connect with the unknown and  so I continue to create myself into a devoted human to the earth through various tools. I am a spiritual person who wishes to engage and learn about the various thoughts and beliefs to construct my own.

So on my path of becoming a better person for this world, I have decided to meditate on the 21 meditations of  the Buddha dharma. There are many principles which fall into the Buddhist construct such as Samsara, the fact that the mind is endless (karma/reincarnation) and that our thoughts can be controlled by ourselves.

In the Buddhist belief, this will bring me from an ordinary small being to that of a special small being and then a middling beings a great being and then an enlightened being. “These 21 meditation’s is the actual method for making this progress”(The New Mediation Handbook).

By doing so I hope to increase my personal vitality, to emanate happiness and finding calming peace inside of me. Each day I will recite a prayer to protect and connect me with higher senses, I will then read a contemplation and begin my meditation.

I invite you to follow along my journey of enlightenment by following along!