Regrets

In I believe there are two regrets we may hold, there is the should have/could haves and the why did I’s and I did not mean to. If we live our lives to our truest intention, our regrets will soon dissipate and become less frequent. We will not get knots in our tummy as we reflect on the past, we will not need to alter our memories or create defenses to make ourselves feel better, we will simply begin to live a life that is so according to our truest form, there will be no what ifs, should haves or  doubt.

Sometimes this is easier said than done. A mother denying past interactions with her child, a father completely fine with skipping his child’s college graduation, a young woman uneasy about taking a trip to travel the world, a student fearful of debt.

These are all people who have made decisions or will make decisions that can greatly impact their own well being or the well being of someone who greatly seeks their love.

The why did I’s and I did not mean to

Overcoming uncomfortable past memories can be one of the hardest things to do. This is often why many are unable to sit down with their thoughts and meditate. They are so uncomfortable that they make excuses as to why they should not or how they simply cannot. These people often addicts and abusers will recreate uncomfortable memories to better suit them, denying any past wrong doing. For instance, both a mother and a father engaged in unhealthy drug habits. After a divorce, the father openly admits and accepts his drug addiction, accepting help and acknowledging to his children that he was wrong. He lives each following moment more intently with open love and gratitude. His children admire his strength in his ability to accept the things he cannot change. This father smiles deeply knowing that the past is the past and every day he wakes he can be a better person than the day before.

For instance, both a mother and a father engaged in unhealthy drug habits. After a divorce, the father openly admits and accepts his drug addiction, accepting help and acknowledging to his children that he was wrong. He lives each following moment more intently with open love and gratitude. His children admire his strength in his ability to accept the things he cannot change. This father smiles deeply knowing that the past is the past and every day he wakes he can be a better person than the day before. The mother,however, hides her addiction. Placing all the blame on the father, when asked why she left it, much of it was to do with the drugs. While no longer together, the mother continues her drug use, apparent to the child. If asked about it anger is presented by the mother, she refuses to admit wrongdoing. This is unhealthy regret. The child see’s her mother’s weakness and notices a pattern. All her mother’s unpleasant past actions are recreated to be untrue or completely ignored. The mother calls the child a liar, places blame on others or just ends conversations. People who do this are the ones who need to meditate the most, to sit down face to face with times where you were not your truest self and say to each memory:

Breathing in, I acknowledge this memory to not be my truest self.

Breathing out, I accept that this is not the real me.

Breathing in, I am strong for knowing my weakness.

Breathing out, I acknowledge my strength.

At first, this may be uncomfortable, this is where the growth begins. These unpleasant memories will no longer create ill feelings within you. Cultivating seeds of acceptance within yourself, as others who love you have already done.

The could have would haves

Controversially, there a the young women faced with the opportunity to go to Africa on a whim to see her boyfriend for two months having just begun the job of her dreams. A trip of a lifetime with the love of her life, will her work accept her request to work remotely? Will she have enough money to travel comfortably? Should she not go now and go at a later time when she is more financial endowed and has prepared for a two-month safari? If she does not go, will there be another chance?

Will this be something she regrets for the rest of her life?

This is a life decision, it involves a major financial burden, it strains your work situation and lovers life. If the answer to the last question is yes, GO. There will be more feelings of uncomfortable doubt in the future that overcoming that would be very hard to do. However, accepting things you cannot currently change is the biggest gesture of

However, accepting things you cannot currently change is the biggest gesture of maturity. If your work is perplexed by you asking for two months remote having just begun, contemplating your long term life with your short term life is something worth pondering heavily. If it pains you to let go, create a plan both financially and career wise, so that when you cannot go, you know it is okay because you have a plan to go in X months or X years with X amount of money.

An exercise one  would be to imagine their life without this opportunity being presented.

What does it look like? Where are you? Who are you with? What would happen?

Then again to imagine taking the trip now?

What does it look like? Where are you? Who are you with? What would happen?

Then again imagine yourself not taking the trip?

What does it look like? Where are you? Who are you with? What would happen?

Notice if you find yourself taking the leaps because you are scared of losing a person in your life, or not taking a leap because you are scared of losing an opportunity. If it is true love, a trip will not matter, if it is the right opportunity, it will be presented again.

If it is true love, a trip will not matter, if it is the right opportunity, it will be presented again. Do what feels right and cultivates a seed for happiness in your future.

Then there is the girl who is scared of going to grad school because of money. After many years of debating on a major life investment, she took the leap to apply. Planning on going she begins to deeply doubt herself as the time to attend comes. Knowing that she needs to do this the only thing holding her back is the fear of being poor for the majority of her life.

Each day she awakens, she writes 5 truths she knows about herself. She imagines her journey ahead of her, noticing the now, the future and the end. Each day the story and her truth changes, but one this stays consistent, her aspiration to help others so she knows it will all be worth it.

After visualizing, she breathes.

Breathing in, I know my true path.

Breathing out, I know this journey is my truest path.

Breathing in, I accept my path with gratitude.

Breathing out, I am confident in myself.

If all else fails, remember: its never too late to re-do your future <3.

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