Some people never heal

from adoption.

A phrase I have heard often very recently. I do agree with the SOME part of the statement but something inside of me becomes angered by how it blankets a community. When people who have never been adopted speak about adoption in this way, I envision a man giving intimate details of childbirth. He has never been through it but he is able to tell you exactly how it feels and what it is like to “heal” from it.

When I was younger in my adolescence I deeply struggled with me being adopted. I felt anger and resentment, thinking the grass was always greener. As I grew older and saw my many accomplishments and opportunities that had been presented to me, I found a new way of looking at my adoption. This was around the age of 13. Generally, those who are adopted struggle the most during puberty, as the begin to more deeply understand what it is like to  possess a sex drive. This is when healing takes place the most. I worked hard to heal. I went to a therapist, I wrote often and as an adult I aspire to give others the tools my therapist instilled within me. I see myself as healed having grieved when I was an adolescent and understanding what healthy relationship dynamics look like by studying and learning about relationship styles when I began to date (age 15, dating was a huge mess for me). Yes, some who have not worked as hard as me to heal may have small issues. But don’t look at them as broken and unfixable, they just need to be given the skills to cope.

I have met people who have not yet healed, but to say they will NEVER heal, is a pretty terrible thing to say about a person. Maybe they have not wanted to heal, maybe they have not been given the tools to heal. AND MAYBE ITS NOT YOUR JUDGEMENT whether they have healed or not. Unless you are a psychologist and they are seeking your help, it is not something you should speak about.

It is an interesting phenomenon, people taking a few psychology courses, or a few hours of ted talk and all of a sudden they are able to judge others and their past. Many of the people have not done something, know themselves first, that is why they are JUDGING (not to be confused with diagnosing) others.

 

 

No Bohns About It

 

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